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Thoughts on the 7th Step and the vEmpire February 20, 2012

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.

At some point, I think that governments are going to have to outlaw 12-Step Groups. As addictions and cancer and other diseases of abnormal growth begin to fester and tear at the collective psyche of the vEmpire mindset, any attempts and forays toward sanity will be seen as treasonous by the psychotic minds that steer this RMS Titanic into the iceberg field.

Which of the steps is the most treasonous? Well, the first one probably, where we admit that we are powerless over whatever compulsion alters our body chemistry to the point that we do insane things. The 2nd Step too is a treason to the addict mindset because we are acknowledging that we are insane and that we need a higher level of awareness, thought and presence to be able to get through it. Higher than a corporation, a government or a church structure, and then in the 3rd Step there’s another sort of treason that emerges when we come to our own conception of God(s) that will resotre us to sanity, and make the decision to align/turn over our will to that Source Being.

Still, I was thinking this morning about the 7th Step and how I am seeking to let go of certain character traits such as self-seeking, overwhelming ambition and self-pity, and that I really do get in my own way.

It was pointed out to me recently that many artists died penniless, and they still went after their work. I guess I’ve been resistant to that, and the vEmpire’s seductions of fame, instant celebrity, etc., can make for an intoxicating cocktail of fantasy and self-loathing combined. I can get into “compare and despair,” due to the compulsion to envy. That hasn’t hit me so much lately, but I see that in this toxic swill of addictive notions, envy is a stock in trade, one that is zealously fanned by various forces in our culture.

Perhaps people think I’m being paranoid, but I view this is the eagle’s viewpoint, surveying the barbarous steel-concrete-glass-asphalt Jungle Barbarous.

In trying to fit myself to the world I find myself in, I feel a lot of pain, for I can’t follow the path to my heart and strive after compulsions at the same time. Of late, I have been experiencing a lot of difficulty, of feeling like i”m driving with the brakes on because the unhealthy aspect of the ego is still trying to go after the dreams I had in high school. And now that I’m subbing in middle schools and high schools, I can get a sense of how that all came to be, how that aspect of things really hasn’t changed all that much.

“Humbly asked God to remve our shortcomings.” Or in my parlance, “Humbly asked Godsoul to dispel that which no longer works for me” This is the part of the 12 Steps that reminds me of the Goddess Beloved Prayer, wherein I ask Goddess Within and Without to fill me with the clarity so that I would know myself in all my parts, that all that no longer serves creation is dispelled, and that I also be filled with the power that exposes me in my hiding, so that I may emerge from the caves and live and dance and celebrate life in the ecstasy of divine love.

Talk about treason!

What is asked of me as a playwright-shaman is certainly not an easy path, for I am now in the midst of assembling yet another 4th Step of my resentments, shame and fears about my writing. And by extension fame/obscurity. It helps me to frame the work I do here (or rather The WORK) as treason in a way because I sense that a lot of people look at where I go and they shudder at the prospect of doing this themselves. I get to be the pioneer here, letting the Venus and Jupiter in Aries push me toward a dare and toward my own honor. I have to be a sort of Eric the Red of the Interior New World as it were, reacquainting myself with the shadowed parts of myself that have been shunted off into the wilderness of my shame and despair. And I have to go here, because it’s what I’m called for.

I’m reminded of Ibsen, who was once upbraided by the King of Sweden for writing “Ghosts,” which he called a most unsavory play. And Ibsen dug down deep into himself and spoke, perhaps with a bit of fear, that “he had to write that play.” He had to write all of his plays, didn’t he? And though it took me a long time to find appreciation of it, I am eternally grateful to him–especially fo “A Doll House” which pointed up my own awareness of the difficulties in my own relationship at the time I saw a production of it. Ibsen sort of prepared me for the life I have today. Odd to consider it, but I see that I am a bit of Nora Helmer and a bit of Hedda Gabler at the same time.

I suppose it is theoretically possible for people to work the twelve steps and twelve traditions without treason to the vEmpire, but it has to be by necessity superficial. And then what’s the point? People like that aren’t going to stick around. When people clutgch at this life preserver they are desperate for their viewpoint and mode of being to change. I certainly was, and I have come to understand more about how I still get in my own way.

Self-seeking, thoughtlessness, self-absorption, inconsideration of others, fear and resentment, self-pity–these all crop up because my ego strives for that which is not available to it. Consdieration, courtesy, tolerance and love, forgiveness, acceptance, gratitude–these are the ways through, and, yes, though we extol these concepts in vEmpire, the actual workings of them bypass the puny and pathetic cconstrictions and conscriptions that officialdom/corprorate heirarchy would impose. They ask for a thiimblefull of mana. Bwahahaha! Impossible. They demand a dry ocean to sustain them. They demand the potato to grow branches and roots rather than to be a network on the ground.

How treasonous is that? Potatoes,strawberries, etc. What a bad idea! Nature? The nerve!

(Not to diss trees and the arboreal, but I also celebrate the rhizomatic, huzzah, huzzah!)

To be continued, but I realize that I have embarked on a provocative path. Ultimately I wish to be free from all my compulsions, and to bask in the sunshine of the spirit. Living my process I encounter agony when my ego takes me into places iit’s not meant to go. Like everyday life as we live it, immersed as it is in fantasy, shame, despair, disease and sicknesses of all sorts. I partake of these at my own risk. And the bad news, which is the good news, is that I find myself in a painful state sooner rather than later.

God Herself, I ask that you transform all of me into the Healthy Priest who makes all things sound. Please alter those traits that no longer serves the Work of this God, that stands in the way of usefulness to you and to my fellows. Grant me the strength to go out from here and to enact divine and aligned will in this delicious garden of possibility.

Blessed be.



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