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Changing Relationships with the Cities October 27, 2010

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Civilization Anonymous, Cultural Janitorial Detail, Mystical, Personal Journey.
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Since I moved now to Rensselaer, I’ve become aware that my relationships with both Albany and Troy have shifted quite a bit. Because I worked downtown and have since ankled the soul-suck job, I have an understandable hesitancy about heading down that way again.  I have an assignment from my favorite Willow Goddess to visit every day for an hour a day for 2 weeks, to begin when I was ready.  I started that yesterday, and on the way to the park, I found I wanted to avoid being seen by anyone from any of my old jobs.  It’s funny, but I was on Pearl Street for a couple of minutes last week, and I walked past someone I used to work with, and it was like she didn’t recognize me.  I was sort of glad about that, and hopeful even.

The City of Albany is a bigger place than just that State-Pearl-Broadway corridor.  That is the epicenter of the place, but I find it’s occluded by all the bidness tealings that are going on down there.  All of that excess negative energy gets in the way of hearing the City’s vibrant soul.  It’s been just all that I can do to check in with Aurora Petra Majesta, and every once in awhile, Cappy at the top of the hill to say “Hey deah!”  I found myself looking at the city wistfully as I drove in on Route 32 and realizing that I no longer was in the same place.

Likewise with Troy, and I feel an odd sense that I was really never meant to put down roots there.  That while I was meant to live there for a time, that I wasn’t meant to stay there and that I can see this in retrospect is interesting to me because I really didn’t understand that in the time in lived in Little Italy.  I acted as if I was supposed to be there, but in the intervening time since the Breakup, it’s become more and more apparent that Troy served its catalyzing purpose of parting what wasn’t resonant to begin with.

The metallic nature of Troy worked to slice the relationship in twain, and to leave the two of us as single again.  That’s just the way of it.  Now I’ve left the place and while I sort of miss it, I do love this new place I’ve moved to.  In fact, though I sense I’m heading ultimately into a forest community of some sort, I wonder if there’s a way I’ll be able to hold onto this location.  It’s a piece of the puzzle to ponder.

I think that as life continues on, my relationship with Albany will deepen in profound ways.  I have this vision of myself way in the future as an Elder Shaman, walking down Broadway amidst the ruins of the former capital of the Empire State.  I sense that the notion of the U.S.A. is a quaint memory of times gone by, held in reverence mixed with spite.  That the place now is in a different relationship with its denizens, and I’m taking a nostalgic stroll along the pathway I walked each day for a time to attend to one of my soul-sucks.  I keep walking up B’way and turn up Livingston and head as if up to Albany Memorial because I’m visiting a family that needs my Elder/shaman aid.  I wear a cape, no shirt, a sarong, sandals.  It’s a bright and cold December day, no snow on the ground and none expected.  I seem to be all right with the bluster and reveling in the sun.  It’s an image I’ve long had, and I don’t know where it fits in, how it fits in with the future I’m imagining for myself.  But I know there’s an essential truth in it, and that Albany is in my blood.

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