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The difficulty of speaking my mind February 22, 2010

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey.
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Sometimes, I wonder why I even bother.

The backdrop:  I’m directing a play and I’ve been struggling with feeling like my producer and I are alone, flapping in the breeze.  I’m looking for people to be involved, an actor and a couple of tech staff would really help.  We thought we had a costumer, but a tragedy struck in her life, and it’s doubtful whether she will participate further.  Totally understandable, yes. 

But I feel like I’m pushing the river.

So I’ve had that stress, as well as the stress of expecting a lot of work to emerge with this new project at work.  And I’m someone who needs some downtime .  It’s just the way I’m built.  Over the weekend, a guide suggested that I will be in a period of time where I’ll be happy to get 5 hours of sleep.  Might as well get used to it.  Do NOT like this piece of news, but I have been letting myself stew in acceptance (well, resignation really–but ’twill turn thereto at some point).

Anyway, I mentioned my last post here about empathizing with Mr. Stack to my partner, who basically jumped to conclusions.  It gets hard sometimes to communicate to someone who benefits from this culture and does so without question.  He’s embarking on exploring a career option which I think could lead somewhere, but only if it evolves with whatever is coming down the pike.  And unfortunately, right now I wonder if it will do so, as it involves property as viewed through 14th – 20th century eyes.  Reading Jeremy Rifkin’s new book The Empathic Civilization (which I think is sort of an oxymoron of a title, but nonetheless has some ideas I find interesting) suggests we are moving away from property to access.  Why own CDs when they can be downloaded?  Actually, I’m even thinking why own CDs or download when we can make our own?  That’s where I want things to go ultimately.  But I digress.

In any case, I mentioned that I empathized with the fellow, and, DH, without any pause or thought, launched into an attack mode on me.  Of course he saw it as lovingconcern.  But the fellow decided to side with the kneejerk liberals who pounced on rightwing codewords that were in the man’s tortured letter. 

 Yeah, OK, but … There were leftwig codewords too, dudes!  Mr. Stack-blew-a may have been crazy at the end, but there were things in the letter that can be identified with, regardless of politics.  And there’s no reason to attack someone for their feelings, now is there?  People dismiss it for their own reasons.  Not much I can do about it, but I resent that people cunt me into a corner and say “You need to up your meds.”

F=in’ A!

Well.  I just needed to rant a little.  I’m not sure where J’s real estate endeavor is going to lead.  I sense it will lead somewhere, and hopefully not at the end of a path with torches and pitchforks.  But each day is each day, a miracle and a wackiness different from the day before.

And tomorrow’s my birthday on top of it.

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