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Conundrum December 22, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey.
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The more that I educate myself about the mysteries of the universe, I also learn about the psychopathy of those who would rather we STFU and forget our dreams of a better life.  Some of these people are more extreme than others–the Becks, Limbaughs, Palins, Coulters, etc.  But I’m not exempt. 

I’ve come across an idea that the conflicts that are emerging right now are not liberal-conservative or business/secular-religious/spiritual, but between expanders and restrainers.  To be sure, these terms are not the best–I am a rather expansive person, who doesn’t like to be restrained all that much.  Still, I appreciate that circumstances are pretty much telling us all that we need to accept limits.  That’s basically what “restrainer” means here–living life on LIFE’s terms, not on phantasmic terms I might come up with in some vaporous fog.

The expanders are all out there wishing/hoping/enforcing a viewpoint that to my eyes is quite self-destructive, as well as generally destructive to this planet at large.  At least for the purposes of mammalian survival, the choices we are having to face would seem to demand some rigorous and vigorous scouring of grimy and delusional beliefs about the techno-matrix we inhabit.  But no!  Instead we’re exhorted to go out and max out our credit cards, and hope and pray we can get even more credit to further indebt ourselves. 

There are the sturdy, steady folks out there who have been dutifully scrimping and saving, and it must be quite weird for them to suddenly be vilified as hoarders, when all they’re doing is preparing contingencies and keeping a prudent reserve.  Our crazy go-go-go age demands that we ignore prudence and thrift, say goodbye to virtue and honor, and deny the reality that is slapping us into oblivion.  (To disclose something about myself:  I look at some people such as Andrew Harvey and others, who are talking about some of this stuff, but for whom there is also some denial about the current situation, at least insofar as there’s a pernicious hope that Business As Usual (BAU) will some day return, when BAU is the very thing that we need to cease.) 

My 12 Step work says “Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems.”  And my spiritual training  says “A healthy priest makes all things sound.”  Sometimes I see that this sounding I send out periodically makes others a bit nutty.  It’s to be expected, but as people refuse to accept reality as it lays, as people put their own notions on it (and no, I’m not exempt from this occurrence either, though I tend toward the more pessimistic admittedly), the harder it’s going to be not only for them, but many of the rest of us to get on board the reality train.

Anyway, my conundrum is this:  I perceive that there are loved ones in my life who are expanders in the sense that they wish to work within BAU, and thereby maintain it or work to bring it back.  To revive the dead as it were.  I see them like the people who refuse to acknowledge Daddy has a terminal illness and is dying.  Granted, the patient (BAU culture) refuses to know what is in store for itself.  Still, I can’t live by the patent delusions out there percolating passim through the vEmpire working its necronomic evils.  And it becomes hard when I perceive that loved ones want me to support them in their quixote notions while I wish to learn to live below my means and retire debt.

My two big intentions this year may be in conflict.  My intentions are to reduce my debt load — grandly I envision lowering it completely, maybe even with an answered prayer of jubilee forgiveness of all debts? — and to work to make my relationship with my partner as healthy as possible.  I don’t think they are mutually exclusive, but … sigh.

I have a feeling that our notions of abundance are not in synch, and I hope they will resolve themselves.

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