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Drew the Ace of Swords Today December 4, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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I have awareness of two tools I can use to cut open new pathways today.  Curiosity and light.

Inside my jealousy (which contains rage, terror, dread and shame), there is a breath of curious wonderment.  When I was near a year old, I was confronted with the advent of a new brother.  I’m the oldest, but for that first year, I was an only child.  It wasn’t completely blissful–I have a certain difficult story involving a very brief window of parental neglect–we’re talking 15 minutes or so, but that can be all it takes.  Still, for the most part I seemed fairly content to be the only child.  Then … he came along, and the bubble was burst.

In sifting through those moste anciente feelyngse, I discovered there was also a curiosity developing about this new situation, and how it would be.  I may not have liked the change, but it awakened me too.  And also inside the muck of terror and dread was the awareness of that strange sort of light that permeates all of our lives.  A dawning understanding of mana, perhaps.  I sensed little rainbow sparklies all around in this light.

So, now I can choose to see the curiosity of what my soul wants to experience next, what I’m curious about now given that jealousy, terror, dread, shame, fear, guilt, self-doubt, insecurity and all this other toxic sludge sometimes overwhelms me.  I can concentrate on that numinous under-light to guide me toward some right action.

I drew the ace of swords, but I was guided to draw two more cards for next right actions.  The 6 of swords and the Lovers (heterosexual, given that it’s Cosmic Tribe I use, and I keep all 3 variations in the deck) suggest I also send these curious lightbeams outward along Indra’s web of being to attract the fellows to me who mutually need to make connection, and also to make informed choices that take into account the things I already do well with the areas where I need a stretch.  And to add the implicit understanding that these will lead to my next right livelihood.



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