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New awareness – “Spiritual Shock” November 19, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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I’ve been feeling a mite unsettled of late, and it hit its peak at Samhain and in the 10 days-2 weeks ensuing.  That segment of Scorpio is actually quite sensitive for me.  It straddles my descendant (13 degrees) and my Neptune is at 18.  From about November 1st to about the 16th, when it squares my Saturn, it’s a bit painful at times.  There have been years when I’ve thoroughly enjoyed November.  But I got sober in November, and I discovered a major f-up at the worst job I ever had in November (on the day I was informed that a friend committed suicide, and a financial situation exploded at the same time).  So November in and of itself is a ping-pong sort of situation.

At first I thought I was in a state of grief.  But I realized on the bus today, as I was reading a book about “soul writing” called “Wrestling with Your Angels,” that I was actually in a state of shock. Spiritual shock. 

I guess it’s partly because of a certain spiritual quest I’m on, that is ferreting out the dead and the useless.  To some extent with the Saturn-Pluto square in the skies right now (in Libra and Capricorn respectively, near the World Points of 0 degrees Cardinal signs–Aries and Cancer being the other two), this is affecting everyone.  While it affects the cardinal signs most, right up there are those people like myself who have a sensitive at the cross-quarter points – 15 degrees Fixed Signs (Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius).  It’s really a time to clear out the dead matter.  (So invite those death gods in and ask them to muncha-buncha-muncha-buncha!  Just kidding.  Kinda.)

I wrote about the dead perspective the other day.  And I do need to sit with the spirit of this D.P.  In fact I thought of blogging the dialogue onscreen, live and in person, but I probably won’t.  That feels wrong now, especially in the context of this “spiritual shock” that I feel.  It’s one of those things where I feel like I’m on the verge of tears, and it’s been hell, because I want to seek out an external outlet for blame.  But it’s not like that. 

The chrysalis is forming, and I need to convalesce, to be EXTREMELY gentle with myself during this Samhain-Imbolc window, perhaps even through Ostara and into Beltane, when the Sun will cross my ascendant again.  Last night, I was exhausted for some reason, and there wasn’t any that I could see.  I went to bed before 9.  Today, I have a different perspective, and I’m grateful.

Though I don’t really know what to do with this right now.

Alas.

 cross-posted to Livejournal – Ordinarysacred

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