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Middle Path October 29, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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It’s not easy going through a reconfiguration process.  I’m on a quest right now to know myself and love myself in all my parts.  And of course, I asked for this, I signed up for it, and I’m seeing that the first part of this is to acknowledge all those creepy-crawly things that I don’t want to about myself.  Like that I can be a mewling, self-indulgent, needy git.  I don’t mean to judge myself about this – some people are this way when they get sick.  Me, I’m more the “let me go to the elephant graveyard and pass away in peace.”  And when, for example, the car gets vandalized and my book bag is stolen, and then it returns to me (sans any money and anti-anxiety pills that were ensconced therein), I do come unglued, and it manifests in ways personal to moi.

But to be fair, I’m also going through an identity crisis.  As a writer, I don’t know who the F I am anymore.  So, yeah.  It hurts.

Still, I also am sane enough to see I’ve got it good for the time being.  That I’m actually doing quite well, and that for whatever reason, the Divine is smiling blessings upon me.  This would be so, even if I were homeless, unemployed, starving and alone.  But I wouldn’t be as attuned to it as I am at the present moment.

I strive to find the middle path.  This is painful, but I have food, I have shelter, I have money, I have a life worth living.  I do.  It’s very easy to get caught up in the things that aren’t quite what I want.  Remember gratitude, Frostwolf?  Life is asking me to have patience.

So I had to kvetch a little the past couple of days.  The car did get broken into.  It does hurt.  But I’m all right.  And it spit out the way it did.  J and I talked about it last night, and we both acknowledged our part in the situation.  We cleared the air, and he suggested I do reiki.  I did a bit.  Not a lot, but I’m better today. 

And I got an interesting writing assignment from a non-terrestrial source.  I will make it the subject of the next entry.

Cross-posted at LiveJournal

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