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Recovery Writings from a Retreat September 29, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Mystical, Personal Journey.
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I wrote these two reflections during a recent weekend-long retreat for the food fellowship of which I’m a part.  I’ve edited it slightly for your purview, but some people found it helpful.

Faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.  My heart learned what my mind never could.  Roots of reality would hold fast despite the high winds of the forces which would destroy us or which we would use to destroy ourselves.  This is a way of life, I had to be fully engaged.  There was power, strength, safety and life in numbers.

 This is a way of life affecting my entire being; but I discover myself through the fellowship lighting the way toward faith in God Herself, the Originating Mystery.  Some phrases I heard today filled the cup of inspiration.

Faith must serve as the pathway to the center of my life.”  Other people have held out their lanterns and gently suggested pathways through life’s thickets.  They are a part of the great chain of being, of the web of interconnections linking us all together.  The Mayans greet each other with the greeting “I am another yourself.”  When faith and grace descend in my life, I no longer carry a burden by myself.

My heart learned what my mind never could.”  I heard someone say this morning that people can say the same message over and over again but not until I’m ready and the right messenger arrives will I be able to “get it.”  I see this happen with other people as they let go of their caterpillar ways and enter into recovery’s chrysalis, at some point revealing the butterfly soul in development.  It’s a constant process.  The heart picks these things up and they hold fast.

Roots of reality would hold fast despite the high winds of forces which could destroy us, or which we would use to destroy ourselves.” It’s one humus-person among others.  I hold the possibility of many roots growing into this delicious earth.  This fellowship brings forth a garden of possibility that previously we never had access to.  Only in our dreams which were pallid images of the true reality indeed.  The garden is within, it is amongst our number, expands exponentially out into the cosmos and brings back in eternal return if we but open to the mystery.  So often it is just right there tantalizing us.  We keep up the effort and as other start to burst forth, we can take inspiration on our own individual path of wholeness which it turns out belongs as much to you, to the neighborhood, to the region, to the continent, to Mother Earth and to Mother Universe Herself.  We keep it as we give it away, free osmotic interchange of grace, surrender and love in tandem with sacred law.

 ****

The word humility has leapt out of all the words I’ve heard today.  I have recently come to see that to be humble is to be a “Humus-person,” a person of the soil.  Before this fellowship, I had a contempt for so much in my life.  I was far from humble.  I would sometimes emulate humility, and it would arise in my life in surprising but fleeting moments, not to be sustained for any significant duration.  I had no idea just how far off the beam I was.  Like many people, humility struck me as a sign of slavering and scraping servility.  I only had as models of so-called humble people of these wraiths who seemed to be little more than balls of resentments and control issues.  Why would I want that?

The Evil White Powders (“EWP”) of sugar and flour had pretty much skewed any real perspective on humility as it really manifests.  In working the Steps – particularly 6 and 7 – I’ve found that humility – being a humus-person – involves a paradox.   I have come to see humility as healthy pride, an acknowledgement of assets as well as liabilities.  When we go to a carpenter, we want to work with someone who knows wood, who has skills with construction and putting things together.  To make structures that are beautiful and sturdy.  We want someone who holds enough authority in herself to say “I can do this.”  We would avoid a person who would not come forth and say how trained he is.  Whether it was out of shame that she was not worth the effort or the opposite, presenting an arrogance that promises a lot but delivers little.  Humility steers a middle path.  I know I can’t stay abstinent by myself.  I come together with EWP-free people to maintain this profligate and fecund stream of Divine Providence.

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