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Examining My Commitments September 28, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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Mercury stations direct tomorrow.  This has been an extremely stressful time, not only for me but for most people I know for some reason.  And so many of us have been forgetful!  Oh, my stars!  It’s been a real dither much of the time to remember what I’ve been supposed to do, and when I was supposed to do it.

Last Friday, for example, I was looking forward to seeing Andrew Harvey up at Spirit Hollow.  Unfortunately for my partner and I, there was a session with my therapist I had scheduled for 5 p.m. that day, and I didn’t realize the talk began at 7, and we still hadn’t eaten dinner.  We’re both terrors when we’ve not eaten. 

We ended up doing something else and that worked out fine.  But it’s been like that.

Also, I’ve been feeling really unmotivated to do just about anything.  I’m not sure what is so special about a fall Merc retro, but it seemed to take what is normally a low-grade feeling and swell it to 11. 

And I got pushback, and it hurt major league.  All last week, I was on the verge of tears.  I did manage to shed a few here and there.  It’s better now, and I’ve also been adding in a daily sacred intention, simply to remember I’m bathing in the sacred at all times.

Still, as part of this I’m looking at all of my commitments and asking “Does this give me energy?  Is it worth the energy I invest for what returns come back?”  There are things that I won’t ask the question on right now.  I know the answer, and I pray for solutions thereto.  There are other things where I periodically feel depleted, and other times I feel at the top of the world.  Manic-depressive sorts of energies.  Are those worth it?  There are other things too that I feel that, even if I do them poorly, I get energy from the activities.  There’s a lot more to things than meets the eye.

I’m not ready to cast anything to the side, but I am in a house-cleaning mood right now.  And that always feels good.

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