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Zones/Objects of Focus August 24, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Mystical, Personal Journey.
Tags: , , , ,

I may be getting more of a handle on my discontent of late.  Currently, I’m reading Creating the Work You Love by Rick Jarow.  He brings forth a self-examination and contemplation model using the chakras.  While I sat with Jody in the diner yesterday, I was overcome with tears of recognition whilst reading about the sex chakra (the 2nd).  At some point, I suspect I will just have to get to a place of real anger that impels me to take some different course of action.  I need to get angry, I know it.  I hate it, but I’ve seen that sometimes I have only been able to act from that place.

For many years that was the place from which I wrote.  But it takes a lot out of someone to continue writing from that place.  One burns out.  It’s not a replenishing kind of energy.  There is a lot of debris hanging about, resulting from choices arising from fears rather than trust.  Which means there’s power inside grief, which I’m intimately familiar with.  That sort of power can arise from the potent grieving for a beloved pet or friend or spouse or relative, but it can also come from recognizing those moments where I cut something off in my own life.

The answers are lodged in my body.  That is to be the source of a fulfilling and meaningful life, and that is something I’ve long known to be true.  It was actuaally an aspect of my education at the Padua Hills Playwrights’ Conference I attended 23 years ago!  I’m realizing I need to take a walk through the body, not so much for the stories they might tell–though that will be of use perhaps.  But more in what they are holding onto.  What events/details/mistakes, etc. they play over and over again, trying to get it right.  “Maybe THIS time it will work.”

One of the pieces Jarow observes as relative to the 3rd chakra is to notice where one puts their focus.  I have been putting a lot of energy into my witch practice, to being a priest of some sort, to being attuned to nature more, to gardening, to being a good spouse to my partner. I would like to attend to my writing, but my heart isn’t in it right now.  The poignant stab of pain relating to my envy attacck of 2 weekends ago caught me off guard, and I’m still suffering its after effects.  Because I’m letting go of something on a much deeper level, and I haven’t attended to all of it yet.  The witnessing of the play followed by the book in the b’and’n created a 1-2 punch that I’m slowly attending to.  And crying a lot. 

(As Colin Brown of Body Electric says, “when a man cries, an angel ejaculates.”  So there’s a rain of angel-cum about me.  Yippee!)

I focus too on the ongoing collapse, and I wish I could hurry it along at points, and at other times, I wonder if that’s a good idea.  I’ve lit some power candles for certain structures to dissolve, and I find it amusing that they’re being propped up.  Something will come along and take them down and it will be quick and a shock.  Though not to me.  It’s to be a shock to many who have invested energies in the status quo, even if they are people who are not getting any returns off it save for being succored in their anger at them’ns who’z diferrnt.

The yeast people, or the dining room table folks across the UINOSA.

Of course I focus on the collapse more because I want to focuson what comes after.  I try and dream about what that might look like, at least insofar as trying to manifest a better way through.  Something again that draws on somatic wisdom in connection with this amazing organism called Planet Earth.

 The body has ultimately given me the benefit of many doubts.  Reading this book makes a lot of sense to me, but I have to say I’ve wanted to throw it across the room and into an incinerator some times.  Pain. Ikc.  But it’s where the good tings rise, I know. 

Damn.  Yet again.


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