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Feels so far away August 21, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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I, who would know the work of this God, feel a bit discouraged.  Though it’s an odd sort of discouragement.  I am still able to manifest winning a raffle.  Even if my feelings of being discounted, abandoned, rejected, my horrible envy that sometimes just wells up tsunami would sem to get in the way.  Still, when I bought my tickets, I knew “Oh, yeah.  I’m going to win this thing.”  And sure enough.  I had one of the 2 winning tickets!

This morning in my candle-gazing work, I was cranky and disgruntled, and in spite of that, I was able to see mana pouring off a beeswax candle, and spilling it onto the fabricated candle-holder that didn’t have much of it but was bewilderedly benefitting from the infusion.  And in the general gaze of my parlor and piano-room, I could see the poinitilist composition of the space between me and the furniture and the other objects/animals in the space.  I could also perceive the aura around my couch and easy chair. 

I guess that even though I feel I’m being ignored and neglected by the others in my class and my teacher for the present time, things are happening.  Still, this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lonely.  I want to cry these days.

And Jody speaks so much about his sacred work, and I feel a dreadful case of the “what-about-me?’s” which has been plaguing me since the weekend.  Gotta throw myself into service somehow.  Yeah, boy.

Still, I feel crappy right now.  I have a session with my other counselor, the one who’s local.  F’-in’ need it. Because I’m feeling like the work of this God is so damn far away right now.  Who am I really?

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