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Dealing with “Debilitating Envy” August 16, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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I sort of understand why discussing this glaring character defense of envy is “bad form,” but this deadly sin is probably the one that the generator of same needs most to air out. Thomas Moore says the person embroiled in a fit of envy is in a place of not wanting what they have.

Yesterday I was in the B&N here at Colonie Center. I felt compelled to go there, Little did I know that some impish aspect of myself knew exactly what she was doing. After exhausting the new age section and checking out literature/fiction for some titles/authors, I moseyed over to the Gay/Lesbian section to see if there might be anything there. I saw most of the same titles I always see, and then looked down at the fiction section, and what should my eyes fall upon but a book by a playwright I knew years ago. I even directed one of his plays.

Over the weekend I saw a play at Williamstown Theater Festival by that friend of mine from college, who is on my 8th Step list, and overdue for the 9th step. I thought I was doing well with the envy thing sitting in the audience, not too far from “The Big Star” of the show in seat A1. Oh, well…. Looks like I spoke too soon.

I drove from the ‘band’n to a local botanica I know where I needed to pick up candles for spellwork, and I asked the proprietor’s son about what I should do for this condition. He recommended a certain oil (“tranquility”) and a red candle, to anoint with the sincere intention that it be dispelled. And then to take a certain bath, preferably each night for a week. I think I might do that–I need SOMETHING. It really hurts the envier more than the envied, even were the envier to perpetrate some sort of action. It’s a spiritual blight, really. Much like the “nightshade” blight affecting our tomatoes and potatoes here in the Northeast.

I pray no one suffers from this horrid thing. But the “What about me?’s come through our awareness every once in awhile and send us into tailspins. It’s a good reminder of my own civilizational brokenness to see this character defense rise up and challenge me. But Goddess-damn it, it hurts!

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