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Yet another post about acedia August 14, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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I don’t really have a lot in my head today, and I feel somewhat sad about that.  I will probably blog next week about a play I’m going to see tonight, by someone I went to college with.  This will be interesting.  My envy button might get triggered, or maybe something else will happen.

I sort of suspect that an old part of me that is on its last legs will try and rally tonight, but … I’m just over it.  The younger wildcat’s fantasy of playwright-stardom has pretty much faded.  I try and spark it, but nothing takes.  Wet matches for the passions.

My passions seem to lie elsewhere, and part of it really lies in laziness, I have to say.  Though today, I’ve been really quite busy here at woikles.  But I don’t really care about it.  I do what’s expected, and I swallow the fetchly resentments that arise, as well as the talker arrogance.  (Yes, kala kala kala chameleon!)  But I really feel the need for deeper connection to my community, perhaps through teaching and connecting with child and teenage chefs who wish to cook and eat deliciously healthy.  I have a passion for deities, and their input.  I have a passion to sing and dance and go naked.

Which means I’m feeling really rather bored with my life right now.  Ah-ah-ah-anomie. 

Sitting by the Hudson today, the temptation overcame me to take off my shoes and socks and dip my toes in the river.  It felt healing and playful to participate in such a spontaneous cleansing.  And I spoke with the Hudson for a bit, and she reminded me that even though there might be ripples on the surface from the irritating boats and what-not, that there’s a placidity under the roil.  To get in contact with that. 

I loved watching the ripples and the waves from the Capt. JPII that steamed on past.  There were a couple of crew guys rowing in tandem as well.  And it was hot–81 degrees!  Nice.  (I might post one day on the observation that our seasons seem to be shifting ahead–that summer seems to start in August with smatterings between May and July and last into early October, and that fall seems to be moving back into December, etc.) 

Really, I just wanted to go off and leave for some extended time in the forest.  I’m hoping to do something like that over the weekend, if I get the chance.

Perhaps it’s not really acedia, but more a realization that my rhythm desires some real stillness, some real exposure to the dark of a night that is unmolested by streetlamps or passing cars.  I’m guessing that’s what’s really going on, that I’m desirous of an unmediated connection to the wild, and my feral child self wants to frolic and play and be mischievous.

May you all find some of this in your lives.  The feral path may not be polite, but it’s kinder and more honest.  Yah!

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