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Becoming a Natural Repellent April 8, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Mystical, Personal Journey.
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This is one of those days where I’m struggling with putting something on this blog.  There are times when I’m tempted to “broken-record” it.  (I was thinking of recycling the notion of “acceptance is the answer to all of my problems,” but chucked it almost immediately.)  And I’m assimilating some of the reading I’ve been doing, by Parker Palmer (A Hidden Wholeness) and John O’Donohue, who I’ve mentioned before (Beauty: The Invisible Embrace), both of which are filling me up in good ways, both of which I’ve become aware of due to the wonderful site of Carolyn Baker. 

Instead, I was thinking about a couple of thoughts that have been mixing it up… like mashed potatoes and butter.  (Not a big fan of gravy, so I use the oily yellow stuff instead.)  It’s a fun truism of magic that when you want to be avoided to “think mashed potatoes.”  The idea behind it is that when you look at your dinner plate, you’ve got your meat or your veg.protein, you’ve got your veggies, your salad–all the colorful vibrant stuff.  If you’re like I used to be, you’ve got your corn and/or mac-n-cheese… oh, and your mashed potatoes.  Yeah.  They’re there.  ‘Cause you put them there.  But the eye just goes right past it.  So, thinking “mashed potatoes” means “I’m not threatening, nothing to see here, you can pass me over because I’m as interesting to look at as a white blob of mush.”

As a corollary to that, I’m also recognizing that to some people I am repulsive.  Today on the bus, I sensed that a woman got up from the seat she sat in because of me.  Now, I took a bath this morning with 5 drops each of grapefruit (joyful) and bergamot (uplift) essential oils and 3 drops of the viscous vetiver (grounding), so I thought I smelled aromatically delightful, but… who knows?  There wasn’t anyone on the other side of this woman.  She moved to a seat where there was already a fellow passenger there.  What else am I supposed to think?  That perhaps she didn’t like looking at someone across the way?  I don’t know, but in any case I certainly wasn’t offended.  Just curious.

The Reconnections I think had an old article about the Vortex Merkaba and that part of what is going on right now is that people of like mind and spirit are being attracted to one another.  I am so happy to be working with the people in my Cycle One training with my teacher and her illustrious assistants when they appear.  I hope one day to be of such use myself.  The Reconnections confirm this sense in me, and they also confirm that as I’m finding myself attracted and attractive to certain others, I experience repulsion both ways from still others.  (It’s rather interesting to notice that 7thDay Adventist watchtower proselytutes rather avoid me.  Yes!)

I find some of the people out there who are “monochrome” (which funnily enough could mean that they overemphasize one chakra to the exclusion of the others, which I think would mostly be the red chakra with the vEmpire folks, the yellow with law-and-order types, the indigo with certain body-denying newgers, etc.) really have discomfort around me.  And I feel it with them as well, especially if they are being all Al-Anonic with me.  (“Let me help you!  I know what’s best, really, there there…”)

Because I’m seeing the beauty in the darkness inside this body, the darkness from which all comes including the light, I really have a “heebie-jeebie” effect on others who are determinedly uninterested in one or the other side of the light-dark equation.  Both-and causes them to go “whuh?”  They only live in either-or/black-white.  Their question “which is it” I answer “Bad question, need more input.” 

All in all, I feel I get closer and closer to the Big Eden I know is around the corner.  Some days it feels farther away.  Today, it’s as near/far as it’s ever been.


1. James - April 9, 2009

You mention dialogue circles, and I am familiar with Parker Palmer’s Circles of Trust. In Woodstock, NY, we use a similar dialogue circle for our weekly Buddhist Bible Study. You might enjoy reading about our circle in Clark Strand’s new book, HOW TO BELIEVE IN GOD: Whether You Believe in Religion or Not . Or check out the weblog at: WholeEarthGOD.com.

frostwolftfirerose - April 9, 2009

James, I will look and see if the UHLS has it in their system. And check out the website too.

The dialogue circle idea is from Carolyn Baker, but I’m in the middle of Parker Palmer’s book A Hidden Wholeness–just got to the part about “the clearness committee”. I want to dive into that. If I do, I hope I do minimal damage, if any, as I learn the process.

I visited Woodstock for the first time a couple of weeks ago. My partner and I ate at New World in Saugerties afterwards. (They’re opening a bistro up this aways in Albany, btw.) Get up this way much?

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