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A feeling of being clogged in the crown March 5, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Mystical, Personal Journey.
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Two days ago, I had a bit of a tea I’d never had before.  Pomegranate flavored.  Within 15 minutes or so of my sipping it, I felt this warmth emanate uncomfortably from the back of my head and a vibratory sort of feeling jiggered all around the area.  It wasn’t a headache per se, it felt more like I was about to come down with a cold.  And yesterday, I was in a rather unpleasant mood all day.

I woke up at 2:40 yesterday morning and tossed and turned, and finally got up to write morning pages at 4 or so, and went back to bed for a bit.  And that also added to the energy.  I did go out to walk by the Hudson for a bit and that helped.  Plan on doing so again today at lunch. 

The feeling that I’m “clogged” in my upper chakras has been with me for a while now.  Not exactly sure what it’s about.  I’ve been under a cloud of dread about my upcoming production too.  It’s not based in anything real.  (I don’t think.)  So far, things have been developing albeit in unpredictable and nervewracking ways. 

There’s a part of me that realizes that the feelings I’m having come from the susceptibility to collective worries and hysteria surrounding these terminal days of the vEmpire.  From where I sit, a lot of craziness is unfolding and I have to chant the litany of the 3 c’s all the time.  (I didn’t Cause it, I can’t Cure it, and I can’t Control it.)  I have to resist my temptation to metafingerpoint, which is another form of taking someone else’s inventory after all.  What use is that?  If someone’s going to point at me and say their bad behavior is my fault, the thing to do is to laugh at them, and then say “OK, whatever–and hey! thanks for the laugh. I really needed that.  You know you do a mean Bart Simpson, or was that Rush Limbaugh?  It’s hard to tell the difference.”  Move on from there.

When I sit and let myself feel my body and my being-ness, I realize my chakras aren’t clogged at all.  I am “situationally clogged” sitting at my Dilbert-vintage veal-fattening pen and … well, wasting time.  Waiting, waiting, waiting like a character in a Samuel Beckett play.  Wishing that I was in a position to take action and feeling stymied somehow.

I know everything and everyone is right where we’re all supposed to be, but I struggle with my impatience.  I guess I’m a drama-addict looking for something to happen.  And in the process forgetting the beauty of the present moment.  Inside myself, all shimmers with a golden hue.  I realize that blessings pour out of me and out into the world, where perhaps 1 or 2 people feel it and take notice.  I want to share it, but most people don’t have the awareness to take it in.  And there’s nothing I can do about that.

Tomorrow, there will be some craziness in Albany.  The Rotting Cryptkeeper himself will be venturing over to the High School to bring his message of unhinged hate from Topeka, Kansas.  (What IS the matter with Kansas, anyway?  And U-etaH/Hate-U as well for that matter?)  Seeing bile up close and personal does make a person grateful to know gay and lesbian people all right.  We’re much easier to love than that, much less challenging.  And quite a few of us have a spiritual place that other people want for themselves.

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