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Theme in my life: Evaluation and Housecleaning February 24, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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Yesterday was my 45th Birthday.  One of the horoscopes in the paper said that basically this would be a year to discard that which no longer serves me and to really look at each element of my life and discern how it’s working or if it’s working at all.  Funny enough, I have come across this theme several times in the last two days in wildly different places.  I also gave myself a tarot card reading and received a second online that underscored the same theme, along with an “all-bets-are-off” theme, suggesting that even though I am in evaluating mode, that I am also called upon to ride with the waves.

(And Ran Prieur mentions that thinking of the economy as a riptide, where we have to swim perpendicular to the waves and end up on a different beach seemed apropos.)

I got to thinking again about where we are in this collapse cycle.  I feel that some of the entities out there that I’m somewhat susceptible to face the diminishment of their influence on me.  Much like the ice that has cleared out of the Hudson River, I feel that some of the gunk is being dissolved that has coated and congealed over my soul-connections.  There are the vestiges, but they are on their way out.

This leads me to the thoughts about writing fiction and dramas, etc.  Much of the drama that we have come to think of as engaging features adversarial relationships.  Conflict is an engine that moves things along in drama.  So are power relations.  Conflict though can be expressed in a couple of different ways, some of which are more about diversity than adversity.

I remember someone saying about conflict, two reporters go into a diner and sit at the counter.  Waitress comes over and says can I start you with something?  The one says “coffee, black.”  The other says “coffee with cream and sugar.”  Ya gots conflict deah, ness-pah?  In other words conflict can just mean lack of agreement.  In some ways the best dramas are those that don’t resolve with a winner or a loser, where the external adversity is really a red herring for the more satisfying conflict exploration.

I bring this up more because I have been experiencing an identity crisis over the past few years about being a writer of dramatic media.  I have not been interested in most conflict these days, though I must say it can still suck me in.  I have those buttons and they get pushed a lot, and my fetch kinda likes them, ga-heeel!

I have the sense that some of this is about to get cleared off.  I have the sneaking suspicion too that I’m about to get something I have been craving for some time–namely, some time to myself to consider what’s next, who I need to become, etc.  Don’t know why I feel that way, but I sense that it began back at Samhain when I drew as my year-card the Fool (which was the final card in the reading I received today online).

And with each day I watch the dinosaur flail about all around us, and I watch as other critters flop around because they have been deprived of their air or their sustenance, and I smile.  I’ve added some of my mana into the pile-on.  Only a matter of time now…

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