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Sense of Aimless and a Dream about Obatala February 17, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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(Btw, “Obatala” has an accent on the last a.  Oh-bah-tah-LAH is the pronunciation of the Orixa’s name.)

Today in my reading/writing for my food fellowship I had to answer a question about my sense of aimlessness–when have I had it and so forth.  The question is based on a story from one of AA’s pioneers from the 3rd Edition — “The News Hawk.”  The fellow who wrote the story of his life described a rootlessness that was quite palpable, and it of course had everything to do with his drinking.  Theoretically, my story was supposed to be similar in that regard, but I’ve only done one “geographic,” which in retrospect I think was done for healthy reasons.  I needed to get out of the same town as my parents, as much for my individuation as it was to cut them out of my orbit for a time. 

My aimlessness seems to express itself in the workplace, where a deepening sense of being adrift dogs me each day.  I wrote in my answer that “the downfall of car culture can not come quick enough for me.”  The good news is paradoxically that I am aimless at work, at least for a job that I don’t REALLY want.  I do fine and all, but really…  There is something out there better, I just know it.  And the car culture, the Ponzi schematics of the vEmpire at large with its psychopaths and sycophants driving it all into the ground, the addictive fingerpointing (“it’s your fault!” “no it’s your fault!”) are impediments to that break in the ice.

I sat by the Hudson on my lunch hour and I took in the frozen river that is thawing right now.  Today’s rune interestingly was Isa–“ice.”  There is movement under the surface, large movements I can’t fel as of yet.  But soon the ice will thin and the open water will embrace me

My dream last night had me walking through a town carrying my Obatala statue in front of me, as if I were offering it like a chalice to anyone who wished to partake of its energy.  I was virtually ignored.  I walked into a shop and people saw me, and they tried to ignore my presence.  That certainly describes how I feel right now.

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Comments»

1. Tonina Opia - April 5, 2009

You have to keep walking with you Obtala held proudly in the face of hoplessness…you’re not offering it to others rather you are letting it guide you to the right people!


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