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Insights into Accepting Others As They Are December 17, 2008

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.

Ah, yes, my ongoing struggle.

One of the traps that people fall into is the “there are 2 types of people” trap.  And funny enough, the ultimate trap is the one that says “There are 2 types of people:  Those who say there are 2 types of people and those who don’t.”  Ironically, if you put yourself into the second category, you are also accepting that you are one who says there are two types of people, even if you strive to be all-inclusive.  To be all inclusive, one must accept those who wish to divide, though to be sure one must always be healing the rifts these people create.

In Iraq, there are a couple of endangered tribes–the Mandaeans and the Yezidi–who basically don’t operate in an us-good, them-bad way.  They are referred to as devil worshippers, partly because they hold that we are all combinations of light and dark or if some would rather, “good” and “evil.”  And that nothing is to be judged as dross.  In the tradition I’m studying disturbing raw material is to be transformed, but nothing is simply tossed aside or cut from our 3 selves. 

With all the increasingly desperate economic and environmental troubles we are having, I get the notion that issues such as gay marriage and abortion are distractions, though ones that having troubling ramifications.  I feel sad when I consider the sort of world these people want to have–a world where there are only people just like them.  I also assume that everyone in this world eats sugar all the time and they don’t gain weight, that they drink their fav-o-right alkeehol’k be’ridge and smoke that crystal meth to they’s heart’s content.  And they reverence their right reverends even as they cull their herds of those ripe young’ns who are plum pickin’s for their secret rites that allow them to have the force over others, though when the incompetent ones get caught, they’ll shorely provide a grand circus o’ blood and guts and torture for their enjoyment.

And 0f course I see that this reactive notion can only lead to the eventual ostracizing of their own kind, because the separating impulse, unless there is some checking mechanism installed, will end up in the complete atomization and devastation of the group.  Basically, Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery” cast over a whole globe–that seems to be what these people desire on a perverse and most-subterranean level.

And the hard thing to accept is that this must also be a part of me.  For I AM THAT I AM, as some have said before.  But as I live with this awareness that “I am Bill O’Reilly” and that “Bill O’Reilly is Frostwolf T’Firerose, the gay witch of the Northeast”, some sorts of pathways open that are unfamiliar and challenging.  But I guess on some level they will be exciting.

For some reason, I’m thinking about the Spriral Dynamics model of Clare W. Graves, who incidentally taught at nearby Union College in Schenectady if I’m not mistaken.  The idea behind this is that there are nested hierarchies of being and each “vMeme” can become dysfunctional in their expression.  I look at the fundamentalist obsession with sex as a dysfunctional blue vMeme expression.  The “I can accept anyone but don’t judge others” approach would be dysfunctional green.

The deeper I go into the Feri trad, the more I realize I’m in the turquoise vMeme, at least in terms of goals and worldview.  The understanding that we humans all have a stellar and terrestrial nature, that we are hybrids of some sort, fits right in with that notion.  As I was getting abstinent, I understood that I was already at yellow and that I wasn’t quite at turquoise yet.  Parts of me are not–I’m certainly not at my job which is quite secure and despairing in its orange expression, thank you very much.  The thing about spiral dynamics is that changing from one to another vMeme occurs successfully when one can transcend and include.  In other words, grow out of the place of the previous vMeme but without destroying or turning one’s back on it (dovetailing nicely into 12 step work, where we “do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it”).

Interesting about “transcend and include.”  When I say that I don’t operate so much in “either/or” (exclusion) as I do in “both/and”  (inclusion) that I almost always have to explain it using an example.  I typically say “not black-and-white vs. color but both, like in The Wizard of Oz.”  And people still look at me funny. As if we can’t be both Cosby and a white supremacist who would name their child “Adolf Hitler” in all sick sincerity.



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