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Jehovahsatan and acceptance December 2, 2008

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in humor, Mystical, Personal Journey.
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I will cop to the mocking aspect of my referring to the Fundamendracular deity, insane patron of human erasure, as containing his supposed opposite.  Dr. Jekyll can not live without Mr. Hyde, and vice versa I might add.  Jehovah, “the Adversary”, they are one and the same.  Ironically, in the case of the L.D.pSycophath church, they regard Jesus as the brother of The Devil. 

I had my mind opened recently about the words Satan and Devil.  “Devil” just means “little God.”  (Heh–Jehovah as Dr. Evil, thereby making The Devil into Mini-Me!)  Satan-Adversary means to me that those who wish to X me out (hence X-ians) because I’m gay means that not only are they making me “Satan,” that because they are making themselves adversarial to me, then they are themselves acting “satanically” toward me.  On some level, we are all both Satan and devil, because we are all gods co-creating our world whether we wish to acknowledge our responsibility in this or not.

Some X-ians would like to believe they are Jehovahsatan’s little robots/automatons/zombies, but really all they’re doing is forgetting that each day they go out into the world with the X-ian(TM) brand label, they are merely choosing to submit their own sacred authority to … well, charming rogues with forked tongues perhaps.  Who have their own agendas for power-over other others, many of whom are windigo in the wallowing in their toxic beliefs.  And as I have posted elsewhere, when faced with addictions, even those as pernicious as self-satanizing x-ians have with their diabolisms ever slicing and slicing again and dicing and dicing again this one vs. that one vs. teh Othah into all sorts of hells being created ad infinitum in a deluded hall of mirrors, I have to remember those three C’s–didn’t cause it, can’t cure it, can’t control it.

As repulsive as all this is to me, it is my job as a witch to embrace this element, first in myself and then in the outer world.  Quite a difficult thing really, but at the same time, when I have had to look back at my own experience and seen when I’ve done stupid and hateful things, participated in gossip or reduced people to stereotypes, I see that to punish myself for these things gives power to the act that I need to cut off, and I have come to see that I must transform my hateful feelings to something useful at least.

As I enter more deeply into this work, and as I struggle to discover the place of activism in this world, which has seen activism become yet another branding strategy, I understand that the desire to create dualism or to react to others’ demonizing tactics enacted out of their own lack of humility and their own wallowing in insecurity comes from my own lack of humility and my insecurity as well. 

As within so without, as we say.

According to Gnostic Christians, Sophia is the mother of Jehovahsatan after all.  Wisdom gave birth to this dualistic demiurge who has been an instrument of separation for far more than 2 millennia.  How far back Ialdabaoth/Jehovahsatan goes is hard to know.  But the entity clearly represents an aspect of our humanity we would do well to embrace and transform. 

Nothing is wasted in Divine Economy after all.

And so I struggle to accept those who, with a smiling, even beatific visage, would throw me into a noose or burn me at the stake or shove me into a gas chamber/crematorium because they “care” about my soul.  The most salient lesson about people ensconced in this or any other addiction is that they are not conscious that they are doing anything evil.  While there are gangsters out there who seem to relish the evil they enact in the world (and I certainly wouldn’t rule out some of the pietistic gangsters proud of their evil actions who are also enamored of the fact that some people even think they are holy (and they are, just not in the way that they think)), for the most part everyday folks, the types who “vote their beliefs” really do believe they are acting in favor of “the good.”  And they can’t understand why I would perform protection magic over all of us GLBTs. 

Can’t we see they only want the best for us, which is to be removed from this world and cast into the lake of fire where we will burn forever and ever to the gory glory of the AK-47 Xt?  They love us so much they want us all to die already.  “It’s Jesus himself that would line you all up against a wall to be shot.  Jehovahsatan’s love is so great, indeed.” 

And letting myself feel how that feels in my body, I can have empathy for these self-medicating, self-satanizing X-ians(TM) who can’t allow something as devilish (little-godly) as feelings or conscience to impinge on their righteous insecurity, now can they?

Yuck.  I need to do some kala.  Cleanse, now.  Cleanse, cleanse, cleanse.

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