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Humility and the gay marriage issue December 1, 2008

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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That title’s a mite provocative, no?  I am not exactly sure where this train of thought will lead, but I’m giving it a go.

My teacher has a simple bath to do to restore a person to their right-size.  That is how I see the word humility, btw.  It does not denote slavishness or obsequy.  It affirms what we are capable of as much as owning that which we need to learn or to improve.  A humble member of a community acknowledges that there are times when he wishes to isolate, but for the most part acts from the place of being a community-member among community-members.  (I was about to write “citizen among citizens” but that feels . . . “old” to me.)

A number of other people out there see the rational way through the gay marriage issue–to take the word “marriage” off the legal/juridical table and only treating the contractual aspects of the relationship at that level of things.  Leave that word with the necrotic desert sky-father religions if they want its sorry carcass.  Bih. Mah. guest.

When Prop H8 passed though, I felt something else was going on, and the Mor(m)on spin on it — that they’re “protecting” marriage” — can not really rid the stench of gay-hate from its biliousness.  The L.D. pSychopaths who pushed and diebolded this election to their liking are having their little wet noses shoved in their homo-hate doo-doo.  As it needs to be.

I just had another insight into this though because of the simple bath I mentioned.  I won’t go into the details thereof–we witches need to keep some things contained–but it is to be done when a person is angry, righteous, jealous or insecure.  (And let’s face it:  Uultimately, the first three are all merely emanations of that last one.)  Prop H8 made me so angry/righteous/horrified because I feel insecure in my community as a gay fellow who can make worthwhile and significant contributions without having to pass as str8, and all on my own.

And there are historical reasons from my past as well as unspoken perceptions about even my current, relatively non-homophobic environment that I have on some level reacted to that increase this sense of insecurity.  I read a blog entry on Les Visible’s “Smoking Mirrors” site that said gay people were trying to get special rights, and while a part of me “gets” that, I wish the poster woud have gone a little farther into the marriage-morass(TM) and said “all marriage(TM) is a ‘special right’ of x kind of person, and needs to be obliterated” or something. 

I felt wounded in my right-sizedness with the H8 Proposition.  And regardless of what the Fundamendraculas might say, that was the real point of the H8 Prop.  To get election hate going on, because that is these fear-and-hatemongers’ blood and plasma.  Because of my parents’ thoughtless and stupid evil act way back when, I have flashbacks to that moment every once in awhile.

And this humility thing is also getting me to think about what I posted last week about my realization that I was ready to let go of one of my other traumas as I start to listen more attentively to my inner voice.  (With the help of lots of deities and guides, and witchy friends and my partner and others.)  To “right-pride” myself must needs take place, and the day for that approaches.  But to regain humility and to correctly value myself along the way needs to be a high priority for my existence.  Right now, I really feel like I’m in-between the old and the new, and that the new hasn’t made itself known to me quite yet.  I am finding my way through this dark hallway, trusting that I’m protected and being led.  And I feel that Mother Earth is holding that space for me, eager to see me emerge into the light, which I sense will be rather sudden in its manifestation.  (It usually is for me, after a long, long plateau.)

In the meantime, humility calls me to acknowledge that, yes, as a gay guy in Troy, New York, I do give a lot and my existence means something quite precious to the Hudson-Mohawk valley region.  And the Hudson River tells me that as well.

I await the messages.  They have been sent and are on their way!

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