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I of little faith… August 21, 2008

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.
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Ugh.  Some days, I just don’t know what to do or say.  Today is one of those days, alas.  Yesterday, I made the unfortunate discovery that I seriously need to economize for the next 3 months at least, and probably for the foreseeable future.  It just gets to be too much sometimes. 

With my medication, I have to track my mood, and I’m noticing a pattern of getting down feelings with every paycheck.  The day before, the day of and the day after, I tend to feel low energy.  I have debts, I have bills to pay.  Like everyone else, I am being sucked dry of my life energy by willingly participating in my own oppression.  I try and try to take actions to relieve myself of it, and my partner gets fed up with my despondency about money. 

The spirit of money seems to be Loki, actually.  The Norse trickster God who hates and hates and hates and hates and hates.  It is difficult to attract M(L)o(o)n(k)e(i)y into my life.  It is difficult for me, who is “ready” to be famous but not as yet willing or able, to be able to deal with this essential aspect of our lives today.  Yes, I pray collapse of the banking/extractive system/sacral-authority-military-industrial-entertainment complex, etc., but in the meantime I do stil have to live this reality even as it implodes around us all.

I spoke with the spirit of the house last nast night.  Gunder definitely wants to keep me there, as do the spirits of the land and Little Italy neighborhood.  I add some inchoate something to the area, a hidden and valuable asset waiting to flower and bloom.  The pain of keeping my heart open at my job, and in the rest of my life too really can get me down. 

I just worked a bit of kala on this scarcity/debt thing, and an image hit me.  I need to go out and find myself some green cloth and drape it over some panels in my work area.  I need to create a “hidden altar” at my desk, that emphasizes green and rainbows.  I need to find a picture of a woodpecker and of Ganesha.  And if I can find some ways to do it, burn a couple of green candles perhaps anointed with cinnamon.

All these things are available to me.  I might as well and go out and acquire them.

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