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Addictions’ pernicious nature October 6, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey.
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As an addict, I can turn anything around to not feel my fear, shame and guilt.  As well as the other feelings I might suppress like joy, love and devotion.  That last can get twisted around to become enslavement to and obsession with some activity, belief, behavior.

I must admit powerlessness and unmanageability about several things.  It’s really hard for me to say it:  The behavior of working at a job I hate coupled with the attendant addiction of trying to write smart-ass plays about the situation once gave me a delicious hit, and I have jonesed for these sorts of experiences.  I recenty created one.  And I started to write a play where the character named “Richard” went to the Albany Police Department and confessed to the murder of his boss, even as his boss was sitting at his desk eating his oatmeal for lunch.  The APD sent someone to the offices of the 2 co-workers and discovered the fellow alive and totally not threatened and totally surprised that Richard was even out of the office.  “How dare he!” the JD being of course more upset that the assistant was away from his desk than that he confessed to murderous rage. 

Anyway.  That whole thing?  Doesn’t work for me anymore.  I’m hiding from the truth of my situation, which is

I

Can’t

Take

This

Anymore.

And like that Devotchka song  goes “How long will this take? / How long must I wait? / My heart is sinking / What were we thinking/ I can’t fake it anymore.”

I am powerless over this situation, my life is totally fucke-e-e-d.

Storylines and their spirits (anti-tv screed) October 1, 2009

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Sometimes I must confess I don’t really know what to blog about.  Today though, I feel a mite on fire.  There are several things at work here.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to blog about some interesting information I picked up yesterday about swirls and eddies in flows and streams, and their place in working intentions.  But last night I had an incident with something very dark, but alas all-too-common.

There are many reasons I don’t have a television.  Many of them are political.  I don’t remember the exact moment, but at some point in the months leading up to the 2nd presidential seletion of GWB as Faux-ty-three, I pretty much stopped watching regular teevee.  I know I no longer had a t.v. by the time I met my partner.  But I could feel a decided loss of interest in the tube, and it helped to wean myself from the dross of it due to working overnight.  The nights I had off, I just had no interest in watching late night infomercials.  I did enjoy for a time watching World News Now with Allison Stewart and Anderson Cooper–they made a fun, if a bit Disney-mouseketeer sort of madcap team.  I appreciated their sense of humor, and they had a delightful chemistry.  But then A.C. became white-hot and of course he would.  That partnership ended, and my interest in WNN faded after that.

And unbeknownst to me, I was also getting my brains back as they say.  First from my sobriety, then from my EWP abstinence.  And I was discovering all sorts of delirious sensitivities in my body, some that pleased me, others not so much.

Over time, I’ve discovered I’ve become extremely sensitive to toxic stories.  It’s not so easy to recognize at first.  I’ve come more and more to see the toxicities well up on various fronts.  I think I had an initial encounter with it with Survivor.  I have to cop to an aspect of myself that appreciates a good Macchiavellian like Richard Hatch.  The elegant rogue that he is/was.  (The fact that he’s a gay nudist named Richard also means a bit to me.  Seeing that’s also moi!)  Still, I noticed around my edges that there wasn’t something right there.

Fast forward a few years, and I see that of all things Gossip Girl has some sort of malevolence in it.  It was at a time when I was starting to appreciate my witchy side even more, and I tried to express this to Jody but I got perhaps a little too specific and detailed.  It freaked him out to hear me say “there are entities living in between the words, even the letters on the scripts!”  And I guess I can see where he would have been coming from–I started a bipolar med not soon after that.

But still, I knew of which I spoke.  I know about the notion of the meme, and there are mini-memes if you will, and they live in sit-coms and infomercials and costume dramas etc.

I could see another toxic story in The Tudors as well. I did so want to like that show.  But the violence and implied violence in it was just too much. 

Last night, my partner’s sister had come up for a whirlwind weekend of culture and home fix-it project suggestions for us.  After dinner she suggested we watch both America’s Top Model and Glee. Never again.  The first was Barbie meets Survivor and it’s difficult to watch pretty people be mean to one another.  Yet it was the second show that really throttled me.

There’s something particularly compelling and disturbing about the shows that are targeted to our young adults and teens.  Both Gossip Girl and Glee have a similar demographic I think.  But both have a decided animus in them, and it might be a generational rage.  But more than that it is nonspecific.  It is the type of sticky evil stupidity that adheres to all sorts of rannkled and crinkled surfaces.  After the show, and after Jody dropped me off at my place (there have been a spate of robberies in the nabe, alas), I was in bed, and I found myself in a deep, dark fantasy that sucked me of life force.  I started screaming the c word over and over again, with my boss’s face in my head.  I got my cat Samson’s attention, and at some point, he crawled up on my chest as I lay there in this wastage of anger and agony and his calming presence seemed to suck up my rage.  Suck up that which didn’t belong to me. 

My kitty the feline Tonglen master!

The particularly insidious thing about shows like this, is that they put pretty people in them, and I sensed some of my high-schooler’s longings after the inaccessible linebacker for example, come forth in a torrent.  It took those longings and hooked them in with the animus and the permeable hatred that is lodged in the concept of the show.  Unfortunately, I would not be surprised if there was a high hate ratio in each shot.  (And by “hate ratio,” I’m not exactly sure what I mean.  I’m thinking of one scene in particular where a chubby, unattractive “journalist” demands that one of the other characters reveal her bra.  There’s a lotta-lot o’ hate in that scene.)

Samson’s calming presence helped me to understand that I was not the author of the venom coming through me.  That it became lodged in me, hooked on my own unclaimed or unfulfilled yearnings, and then before I knew it, I was fantasizing about a new way to destroy myself.  And create misery for others in the process.  Gee. Hooray.  I can at least write a play.

Well.  I’m ever more glad I’m television-less.  (But even so, I’m eager to watch Project Runway.  Again, nothing is pure.)

This is another thing I have to detach and observe.  There are eddies and flows, streams and currents here as well.  Interacting with all out intentions.

Introduction to my Doom Sonnets Volume September 30, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey, doom sonnets.
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I’ve been instructed to make it so, to make my volume Doom Sonnets for After the vEmpire a published reality. In any case, here’s my Introduction. 

Bring it on, I say, The End of the World As We Know It (aka “TEOTWAWKI”)!  Let’s have a par-tay.

I realize some people will spraaaaawk at me (in other words, spout some drivel to which I would say “May I repeat back to you what I hear you saying?  You’re saying ‘Spraaaaaaaaaawk Sprawk Sprawk Sprawk Sprawk’ (with appropriate finger-pointing, of course), “Sprawk Spraaaaaaaawk Spraaaaaaaawwwwwk!’  Does that sum it up?  Oh, I forgot the other part—‘You see these three fingers pointing back at me?  Because I’m not doing my work?  Well, you just ignore those asswipe, and focus on my beautiful distracting index finger.  I’m going to make you pay 3-card belief monte whether you like it or not, bub!  My beautiful index finger points at YOU because you’re only 1/3 of the jerk that I am.  So I’m pulling lazy rank on you, and you’re gonna get it!’  Yes, I think that about sums it up.  Don’t you?”

And yes, the anger does course through me.  There is outrage in these words.  A transformative outrage that is as much about the spraaaawker in me as it is in you and the Sarah (Lee?) Palins and Billy Kristols of this world.  They are another me, as are you.  Not in an arrogant sense, mind you, but in the Dean Radin sense that we are all entangled.

The word “Doom” in these pages is in part ironical in its usage.  Believe it or not, I’m really rather an optimist and quite hopeful about this odd moment in time.  My journey toward this place of bemused psychological embrace of this current era has been a convoluted one. 

Like many people, I have wrestled with various addictions.  One might say that in addition to some of the other terms bandied about for the American Empire™ such as “kyriarchy,” “pathocracy,” “thugocracy,” “kakistocracy” (government by the worst elements) and my own terms vEmpire and necronomy, that we live in an addictocracy.  The inmates have long run the asylum, and who better to stand as its emblem than Dick Cheney?  I mean, really!

On all sorts of websites I log into, there’s a lot of talk about how all these dark forces are scattering to the winds.  The Empire of Vampires (hence “vEmpire”) is suffering from an onslaught of sunlight, and cunts[1] in mid-cunting of some unsuspecting victims’ life energy, combust in the sun’s warm and golden rays.  I too am hopeful of this process of light hitting vampires full front continuing unabated.

But that means the vampire inside is also feeling it.  I have come to see my etheric self as a semi-permeable membrane, and when things are all right and running smoothly, very little gets attached.  I can let irritants go through me with ease.  Now, that doesn’t happen often, at least not without assistance.  I must tend to a spiritual practice that helps me to identify and release the toxins that hold me back, pin me on the mat with paralyzing rage or despair or the desire to not exist.  And I need to talk things through sometimes.  Yes, I do have a therapist.  And I do have a religion that pushes me onward, and deeper into surrender.  I wish to fully surrender into ecstasy and sexual potency.  But I still get stuck in powerless anger and suffering.  And some of that is supposed to happen, I realize.

Aren’t you feeling that way these days, at least off-and-on?  No?  Then for God Herself’s sake, put this book back!  These words will be LOST on your sorry ass!

But for those of you who empathize, who dream of a life where you can really be your true and naked self—even literally to the point of walking down to the corner shop in your birthday suit and not batting an eye—and who wish to affirm the authentic Self in each person, each animal, each object you encounter, you may still not want to look through the poems on these pages.  There is humor in them—check out Doom Sonnet #11 for starters.  And there are other poems in here that offer a strange celebration of this life. 

But there is a wistful recognition, my friends, that the world we grew up is no longer.  Whether you’re like me, a Generation X “post-Kennedy’ (by 3 months) birthday fellow who grew up listening to The Police, Styx, and Soft Cell, for example; or someone in their 30s today, who was more into EMF and Alanis Morisette in their high school days, or someone now into Snow Patrol, etc., you might be feeling a similar sort of nostalgia for 2008 already.  In my opinion, the road to hell in these now United In Name Only States o’Merica (UINOSM) was fully embraced with the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980.  Jimmy Carter’s tepid presidency seems to have been the end of something or other, alas something that is not much missed.  The rumblings for the Reagan “Party and After-Party of the UNIOSM” began long ago, probably way back during the corporatalitarian tantrums of the Gilded Age some 150 years ago.  But the composite Enlightenment-Iroquois Nation inspired experiment loosely labeled “America” was a model easily compromised.

Robert Pirsig in Lila, his follow-up to Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance observed that it was actually the Haudenosaunee vision of a working governance structure that attracted thousands of immigrants here, whether they knew it or not.  The natives of these shores were still in touch with aspects of human nature that have been only partially buried in our psyches by the coarse and papered-over attempts at socializing and breaking us into smaller and fractured pictures of our true Selves, to make us “fit” to live in urban/suburban infernos.  Deep in the way-back machine of our DNA, we all have memories of living close to the land.  While that wasn’t always easy, we had some deeper satisfactions of feeling held in divine hands as evidenced by nature’s gifts.  The natives here stirred those remembrances, but as always with vEmpire, these ideas and longings must be squelched so that …. Well, “we must make steady progress, progress, progressprogressspraaaaaaaawk-ress” and you get the picture.

The thugs of our kakistocracy wear a lot of different plumages.  You will see some evidenced in the Shakespearean and Petrarchan sonnets herein, as well as in some of the remaining poems that fill the rest of this little volume.  We all probably know someone who is a local version of Glenn Beck.  Heck, here in Troy, New York[2], we have an administration filled with whackos!  And just like with those “magnificent men in their flying machines,” we enjoy watching the clowns in their cars galumphing about “so serious” as they careen about with their chins jutting out leading man style, and telling the rest of us where to get off.

Some would sit up alarmed that people such as this hold public office.  Has it not always been thus, however?  There have always been the obstreperous and the pathocratic.  The Algonquins had a words for this sort of person:  “windigo” which loosely translates to either “vampire” or “cannibal.”  It gets to be difficult sometimes to pick out those who are pushing evil policies from those who serve as the useful idiots, the minions who whore themselves out so cheaply and completely.  And yes, there clearly is danger afoot, though … it feels quite a bit Disney if you ask me.  The malevolence has a decided “Captain Hook” feel.  And having been cast in a production of Peter Pan myself, I can say that it’s a fun part to play!

I do get a kick out of their insanity, much in the same way my mother and her brothers would enjoy telling stories about their drunk dad, and my grandfather Cliff Maxson.  He was an abusive, belligerent drunk, filled with all sorts of hate and biliousness, and yet also a wounded fellow who had seen quite a load of disappointment.  And Grandpa Cliff was a terror to his children and to his wife.  Near the end of his life, he got so violent with my Grandmother, that my uncles had to get involved.  The man got so apoplectic with rage, he gave himself a stroke. 

Devils Lake, North Dakota did not rearrange itself to suit the town drunk.  Likewise, as Franklin Schaeffer observed on the Rachel Maddow show, we don’t rearrange ourselves to suit the village idiots.  Having said that, even though I try not to coddle weakness, I do see that it’s not up to me to cast the Spraaaawkers to the side.  Just as I went through and continue to undergo transformations, people can and do slowly wake up to their addictive insanities, and start to ask the really important question: 

What sort of life do I want for myself and my relatives and loved ones to lead, anyway?

So, these doom sonnets are as much about an end as they are a beginning.  In these 14 line ABAB-CDCD-EFEF-GG and ABBA-ABBA-CDE-CDE poems, you will find a number of difficult observations as well as some bemusement and some genuine dreaming for a better life for us all. 

Hopefully some of you will be inspired to take action or to write your own post-Doom sonnets or plays or filmscripts or youtube videos or what have you. 

I feel a glorious new world is near.  There will be labor pangs however.  It won’t be an easy birth, not that this sort of thing is ever easy.  Let us pray that nature brings us through it all with as little difficulty as possible.

 


[1] I know some people will find this language offensive.  But rest assured in “Frostwolf-ese” the c-word has a different meaning than the more common parlance.  Those who know me get sick of this, but I use the “c-word” in a way that is more like the British usage, though it’s also a mite different.  Through the processes of onomatopoeia and synecdoche, (q.v.), I like to use this analogy:  cunt is to vampire as grunt is to peon.  I’m sure educated people will understand the syllogism, even if they find it a mite disconcerting.

[2] My partner Joseph Dalton & I have a little joke about our three Hudson-Mohawk Valley cities thus:  “Albany is ugly, Troy is half-assed, and Schenectady is corrupt.”  Those of you who live here, might smile wryly with this pithy sentiment.

Third Tradition & TEOTWAWKI September 18, 2009

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The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop [insert addiction here].” 

Basically, what this tradition stresses is that the membership needs to be open to as wide a net as possible.  The founders of AA, when they started to realize the pervasiveness of the problem of alcoholism, and then as the model spread to counter other spiritual maladies, they recognized that it required the self-definition aspect.  However, if the addict in question is anything like myself, she will need some convincing.  When I started my stints in two different programs, I knew on some level I needed to be there.  I just felt “home.”  With the food program, I was kicking-and-screaming inside.  I just HATED the notion that I couldn’t control my eating.  But I saw that the people in the rooms had something I wanted, and that kept me coming back.

This tradition allows someone like me, the person who doesn’t immediately identify, the option of staying there along with the other people in the room who have ID’d themselves as suffering from the mental, physical and spiritual dis-Ease of addiction. 

With this program in my mind’s eye, I see that this tradition needs to be pretty much open to anyone who’s opened their eyes to the way things are.  There are many seminal texts that can help open those eyes, from the poetry of Rumi and William Stafford, to websites such as Carolyn Baker’s, books by Derrick Jensen, Thomas Berry, Philip K. Dick, Octavia Butler and many others…  Pretty much anyone who has identified themselves as a nationality or a “sectual preference” such as Baptist or Sunni or Orthodox for example (as opposed to a tribal group), can call themselves a member of Civilization Anonymous.  Anyone who identifies with Charlie Brown running for Lucy’s inevitably withdrawn football, who can’t seem to walk away from shaming, belongs in these rooms.  We can help each other walk past the cuntic ones, and honor them in the process.

And the other thing about this tradtion:  We don’t have to do anything perfectly.  We can help each other through this.  These traditions remind us that “Together we can.”  That No One of Us Is Smarter Than ALL of Us.  No one is going to kick us out of Civilization Anonymous if we have the desire to stop being a party to our own self-hate and the oppression of our connections to one another, to the land, to other species, to the elements, to the cosmic birthright we all share. 

There is no need to deprive the benefits of a group such as this from anyone with that sincere desire to heal themselves and give it away so that they can keep it.  The circuit/current/flow/stream must continue and spread.  Health doesn’t just stay in a box, it travels.

Doom Sonnet #49 and … whatnot September 17, 2009

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#49

Let’s hear it for the Sun God:  Ra! Ra! Ra!!!
Yea, do sunlight’s warm rays light up vEmpire’s
Disensouled, lodged firm in this realm of blah.
Sol sets entities ablaze—grandest pyres!
A wave of self-inflicted Gunshot wounds
overtakes the likely suspects.  Should pity
come forth from me?  Sadness rests as balloons
of egos pop left, deflate right.  What shitty
legacies they leave, no?  A festering guilt
doth eat at their conscience.  Not psychopath
enough these, though to be fair some were built
up to take a public fall.  A sick math
that.  But this windigo kingdom can’t last
much longer.  Watch Sowilu burn them fast.

*****

Lots of activity in my life today.  Ah, Mercury Retrograde at a law firm.  Things always get crazy, donchaknow!

I will make an attempt to write a book review of Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol in the next few days.  I must say, he certainly knows how to keep a story moving.

Also, it seems that a prayer of mine is finding answers in myriad ways, and I will have to blog about it at length.  But let me just say this:  It seems my idea of “Civilization Anonymous” might be coming to fruition.  Yea!  I will be eager to blog about this and probably will start in the next week or two. 

Also, I will return to my Tradition work.  If anyone’s interested…

Tradition Two and TEOTWAWKI September 11, 2009

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This is the group conscience tradition for a 12 step group.  In the simplest terms, a group that follows the 12 Steps and Traditions relies upon the collective wisdom of the group to ascertain divine will for the way forward.  As Catherine Austin Fitts has noted on Solari.com, “No one is smarter than ALL of us.”  This tradition echoses that understanding.

“Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern.”  This phrase puts the correct perspective on our groups, that they are comprised of everyday people like myself (or everyday Gods and Goddesses as myself, rather), and that each of us makes a contribution to the group’s workings, its continued existence, its needs, etc.  Were I to practice within a “Civilization Anonymous” meeting, I would be offering my own ESH on the struggle, trudging the road to Happy Destiny as “A Vision For You” outlines. 

Divine will sometimes comes with conflicts and disagreements.  It also comes with trial and error.  A group might decide to take a certain step that turns out to be a mistake.  Sometimes it’s a silly thing like making a beginner’s meeting “closed” out of the mistaken notion of protecting the members’ fragilities.  (What about the newcomer who doesn’t quite identify as a sufferer of the malady?  I was in that situation with one of my addictions–I had to have the freedom and security to be able to explore, ask questions, share from where I was at, and eventually to say “I belong here, yes I do, I do!”  If beginner’s meetings were closed, I wouldn’t have had that option with other newbies.)  Other times, it’s more serious.  I’ve heard of instances where a group decided en masse to align a meeting with a philosophy or a church. 

Vamonos post haste!  That meeting stopped being a meeting within whatever fellowship it was in.

There are other groups that have developed an internal authoritarianism.  Ask around within A.A.  It’s easily ascertained which meetings have that particular issue.  There are people who need it, but I’m not one of them.  They somehow continue to function, but they do get a reputation, and it’s only for some of the more damaged among us.  Program “Nazis” do have their place.

Which reminds me of a quote I read in Albert J. LaChance’s Cultural Addiction.  In Step Six of that examination guide, he quotes the Dhammapada which states:  “Let us live happily then, not hating those who hate us.  Among those who hate us, let us dwell free from hatred.”  This touches on a theme I’ve been cogitating on in these pages.  How does one love a Glen Beck or a Bill O’Reilly if one is a gay witch playwright-blogger-actor/etc., with an advanced degree and an Ivy League “pre-uneducation?”  I don’t know that I can do that, but I can at least see the bile rise up inside me and put it through the water/fire/air/earth/aether of transformation.  And I do.  Constantly.

“A healthy priest tends all things, keeps all things sound.”

In the rooms of a 12 Step group, we are all called upon to attend to one another, to love the newcomers until (and beyond the point where) they start to love themselves.  Love is the name of the game, and some of us are sicker than others.  I’ve seen how we try and make space for all sorts of whackos.  As one whacko amongst other whackos.  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions provide a context for a holy awe (what Hawaiians call makahu). 

And that is what I hope will start to take place during TEOTWAWKI.  “We must love one another or die.”  W. H. Auden said it first, then Larry Kramer amplified it.  It’s still true today.  And even though there are people who are living inside a death, or rather an intermezzo between the life of the child self hungry for all sorts of experience and not quite to the place where they fall in love with the world anew.  Still, I must live amongst them, as do we all.  I have been one of them.  I could be one of them again–all I have to do is step over to a store and get a package of something by the register.  It’s that simple and that devastating, I might add.  One day at a time, I’m able to walk past the pharmacy counters.  Never even think about it, except in moments that help me to “keep it green.”

We have all sorts of opportunities to keep our Civilization/Culture Addiction green.  Any store or street will do.  Countless examples of a necroculture around us, of the necronomy/vEmpire brazenly swinging its tentacles outward, enticing us toward its fangs, fresh blood for cunting.

But love holds the promise.  Acceptance holds the answer, the key.  The 2nd Tradition remindsus to begin where we are at, and trust that the people around us are the “right ones” who will assist in the creation of a brand new world-view.  For this notion of a 12 Step approach to riding out TEOTWAWKI must hold that none of us is valueless in this road-trudge. 

All of us count, even if haters try to divide us against ourselves, because they can’t see their self-satanization that occurred when they declared so-and-so to be their adversary/enemy.  They embody their own worst fears, and they can’t be turned away either.  As hard as it is to do, and that is where the next tradition will come in.

To be continued…

Twelve Traditions and TEOTWAWKI/Civilization Anonymous September 3, 2009

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Right now, in my 12 step work to stay abstinent from the EWPs a day at a time, I am working what are called “traditions questions.”  The 12 Step programs also have 12 attendant traditions.  The two working together are shorthanded thus:  The 12 Steps help us to keep from killing ourselves.  The Traditions help to keep us from killing each other.  These prinicples have evolved over time and have proven to be quite resilient, finding a necessary balance between recognizing that we all need to make our own mistakes, but we also need to learn to live by and to strengthen adherence to basic spiritual principles.

The traditions and the helpful book Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, are for the most part the source work for my exploration of the traditions, and they illuminate certain patterns in addicts’ interactions with the larger world that impact the workings of a group of addicts in miniature.  Somehow, the organized anarchy of the Anonymous fellowships and their attendant “Anon” programs does keep us, as it says in the AA 12 & 12’s chapter on Tradition Nine, that the poles of great suffering and great love somehow keep us right where we need to be.

Anyway, as we all contemplate these bizarre times, it occurred to me that it would be a good idea to apply the Traditions to the transitions we are undergoing, because I need to start to understand how to radiate out a new way of being for others and to call support to myself that will enable me to continue the circuit.  “I can’t keep it unless I give it away.”

Tradition One states: “Our common welfare should come first.  Personal recovery depends upon [fellowship] unity.”  “Fellowship” can be replaced by other words: tribe, clan, organization, society, association, town, neighborhood, region.  I will for the time being eschew other artifices such as “state” and “nation” for now.  “Province” would be another one, I would imagine, as would “county.”  (Also I’m not really sure about “city” right now.  I tend to think that this word at the moment is also problematic, but at the same time, there needs to be some recognition of its import.)

The thing about this tradition is that it is something that permeates through all levels.  It osmoses into an individual’s consciousness through his or her own selfish perceptions, as all recovery messages do.  They are homeopathic reprieves for the psychic/social/spiritual/physical maladies of addiciton, whatever the compulsion might be.  We wake up to our common welfare as addicts afflicted by our apparent cravings after booze or drugs or shopping at bookstores (guilty! :) ), or the EWPs hiding inside the various delivery methods of pastries, ice cream, breads etc.  We see that somehow others are managing to do just fine thank you very much without said substances, and that they have a quiet and serene ease and perhaps even joyfulness about them.  But they recognize they can’t keep it unless they share of their own understanding and experience, and strive to in something approaching humility, but at least honesty.  So the group has to encourage the commmon welfare, and again, this goes all the way through the great chain of a fellowship’s being–Intergroup, Area, Region, World Service. 

In terms of the addiction to our taker culture, our personal recovery depends upon unity across fellowships as well as across our relations.  The common welfare extends then to rivers, trees, stones, egrets, wolves, trout, mosquitoes (ugh!), rats, lichen, algae, mountains, deserts, as well as to the aforementioned entities of towns, neighborhoods, villages, watersheds, etc.  All our relations have to have a say in the Council of Beings that indigenous tribes hold as conclaves for all the species.

And it doesn’t just stop there, for aren’t our ancestors and descendants, our artworks and inventions and disciplines, our divinities and deities and guides also a part of this equation?  And what about fire, air, water, earth and ether?  (Especially the last one!)  Not to mention whatever other galactic citizens and entities might feel an impact due to our activities, and I’m sure they do. 

There is so much more than meets the eye to this reality we inhabit, more than mere “meatspace.”  And lo, there are many, many addictions out there beyond Oxycontin or Jack Daniels or Twinkies.  Southern Baptist Churches and eBay might spring to mind.  (Again, bookstores in my case, though the spark of buying a tome or stacky doesn’t have the same zip as it used to.) 

It is this recognition of our common welfare that spurs us to come together in the first place, just as it did for Bill W. in his initial meeting with Dr. Bob.  Bill telephoned a “random” church because he was scared he’d drink unless he met another person in trouble.  It is in part why I even blog about ”Civilization Anonymous,” because I need to try and find people who can identify with what I’m seeing and feeling, sensing and intuiting and fearing.   And some people email me or comment here and I really do appreciate it. 

It helps me.  And I hope this helps someone else.  I trust it will, even if I can’t see it.

Blessings.

Doom Sonnets #35 & 36 August 31, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, doom sonnets.
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Two more for my singular genre for the singularity.

#35

 

Well, Christmas is coming! Huzzah, Huzzahs!
Are you going to get to shopping soon?
Patriotic duty calls to bazaars
for to purchase useless totems! O Swoon!
Yes, Retailers all! Pull out the couches
dusting up from under usage.  Tremens
Deliria shoppa-genic should banish grouches
of all stripes, and once again lines of women’s
apparel direct from Shanghai, children’s
playthings bespritzed with melamine yummies,
golf clubs and lawncare bullcrap for de men’s
capped with Hostess Twinkies for the tummies,
should appease some grinning Christian Molochs
hiding midst piety-spilling bollocks

 

 

#36

 

Hm. The Dow’s up again, you say? Fancy.
What good it will do at necronomy’s
end is hard to say.  Fiat currency
nears its winding-up.  Will lobotomies
become the rage again?  To medicate
these hardest feelings, as life as we’ve known
it—Tox results of fragile syndicate—
vanishes in plumes of black smoke, blown
hither and yon since Hermit-Justice day.
(o that hidden 23! Salvation
rising phoenix out this orb of clay some day?)
We deny plutocrats’ termination
Pathetic, we, clutching Brooks-Brothers hems
of pant legs, those who’ve yoked us through bank scams.

Passion, Third Chakra and North Node-Cancer, Third House August 27, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Civilization Anonymous, Mystical, Personal Journey.
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In seeking out what kindles that fire in the belly, I’m struck by an astrological synch-up with my birth chart.  Astrologers have started to structure their readings around the placement of the nodes in a person’s chart.  The rule of thumb is that the north node is about where a person is to grow in this lifetime, and the south is that which the native does so well, it’s rather a stagnation to continue along those lines.

The ninth house is where my south node is, in Capricorn.  I’ve been a dean at university  or the Abbot of an abbey or held ome such role in past lives, so much so that it’s time I avoid such things.  Even to be a university professor or to go on my own personal pilgrimage to the mountain top would be contraindicated.

The Third House however, is the place of elementary/high shocol education, and also the local neighborhood.  (The Ninth, in contrast, is also about globalized systems.)  The third house is about being here now, really.  In the midst of the gossip, the laundry, the hubbub of kids playing in the back yard.  It’s about siblings and short trips and writing and word-of-mouth communication. 

I also have my Moon in Cancer in the third.  So for me, it takes on an added emotional punch.  As I get older and really feel what juices me up, a longing for a deeper communication with my landbase,, and particularly with the trees really juices me.  Today, I hugged my willow tree teacher Eleusis over at the park by the Hudson.  Gosh it felt good!

My communication style needs to be Cancerian–nurturing, sensitive, accepting, maternal even.  And as I delve into the third chakra, that belly fire, I discover all manner of third house/north node connections.  For instance, I want to teach playwriting for this region during this Triple Crisis, as Carolyn Baker refers to it.  Or more generically, as the Great Predicament (h/t to J.M. Greer).  So, I’m sitting down and starting to put together a trifold flyer to hand out, and maybe I’ll even (shudder) create a logo!  (Yich, shoot me someone, if I want to get it trademarked.)

I also discovered today that there’s to be a Transition Initiative training up at Spirit Hollow next month–just 40 minutes away in Bennington, VT.  (Yea, Vermont!  Go Secession!)  Andrew Harvey will be speaking there at the end of September too.  Gosh, I’d love to meet some other folks there, from down this aways.  Vermont is fabulicious, and part of me would like to move there.  But I’m here buying a 3 unit home in Troy, and I’m feeling very pleased with where things are.  If I could be two or three places at once (Heck, why not four, with Albany and Schenectady in the mix!), I would love to have a multifarious existence in the Mad River Vlaley.  But right now it’s not meant to be.

The upper Hudson is what gets my attention and my love today.  It’s a beautiful relationship.

Passion for vEmpire’s collapse August 25, 2009

Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Civilization Anonymous, Mystical, Personal Journey.
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Continuing on with the Jarow “anti-career” exploration theme, I have been meditating on what gets me stoked, and the first thing that comes to mind is my focus on the collapse surrounding us all.  And while it’s easy to get lost in all the miasma of hate, rigidity, asshattery and brutality out there, not to mention the frittering away of time, energy, remaining oil and “human capital” (ugh! Hate that idea, so let’s move away from self-commodification!), my focus has been on trying to craft new stories for a post-vEmpire, cultural imaginal cellular based future. 

Anyway, I have been trying to write plays and the like, and that doesn’t seem to be working for me.  Not exactly sure why, though I suspect it has to do with it not really being time yet, combined with a growing awareness that my going off and writing something by myself may not be the best way to go about this.  Perhaps I need to build a story to be staged dramatically with a community?  Or perhaps I need to form some sort of collapse writing group where we can get together and share awarenesses through our own fictive/dramatic/poetic explorations of self expression and bring it forward? I don’t know, but I sense community is a part of it, and also that it has to be local to my Troy neighborhood.

I also sense that teaching is a part of my fire as well.  When I taught a weeklong master class in playwriting at Albany High, I was so stoked, so energized and … dare I say it? HAPPY!??!!  I really NEEEEED this area of expression.  Now, I don’t want to put the teacher out of a job, he’s doing good work.  I would like to find a way to bring all the various budding playwrights in the (presently-called) Capital Region of NY State out there together, but that’s a larger undertaking and perhaps one that will need to emerge anyway.

Still, I know that cultivating playful and wise storytelling in the next generations is part of my MISSION.  All this is just a start, but I can see that some beautiful idea is clearing the way to be envisioned and spring into my vision for an as yet unknown project to be completed in the next 6 months.  I also need to visualize, per my counselor a 5 years-out Frostwolf and work backwards from there.  Things are shifting every which way.

Ache’!