Mystical Albany Symphony Orchestra Experience November 16, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Mystical.Tags: Albany Symphony Orchestra, Artur Rubinstein, Athena, Brahms Second Symphony, Camille Saint-Saens, George Li, Medusa, mystical-musical epxeriences, Piano Concerto (Saint-Saens), Stacy Garrop
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Well, these things are never planned, but I had 3 different encounters while sitting in Seat AA-5 at the Palace Theater the other night.
1: “Becoming Medusa” by Stacy Garrop: I enjoyed the piece as a piece for the most part, but I became increasingly agitated through the whole thing because I could feel Athena’s mounting rage at the presumptuousness of the becoming Medusa, who elicited her wrath with the seduction of Poseidon in Athena’s temple. (The noive!!!) The percussion, the strings, the brass, the ominous nature of it all. My my my. I could feel the grey-eyed one’s vengeance emergent, and I was actually terrified. Ms. Garrop effectively channeled Pallas into the piece, and the devastation of Medusa who now was hideous and tormented. Quite effective, but it left me with a chilling sense of awe at the power of this Goddess.
2: “Piano Concerto” by Saint-Saens, as performed by George Li (age 14!). I was of course captivated by this young master’s performance, and he truly was a master of the piano at this fresh age. Li put his whole being into the piece, and oddly, I felt that Artur Rubinstein was in the house for some reason. Midway through the performance, I decided to check the program notes and discovered that CSS had actually written the piece for Rubinstein. I was wondering whether Master Li was A.R.’s reincarnation, or whether the piece is so Rubinstein’s, that he appears wherever it is played live.
3: “Symphony No. 2″ of Brahms. I found myself impatient through the first 2 movements. I felt something was being prepared in the 3rd, however. And with the fourth, I sensed that there was an opening forced onstage from one of the other worlds, and I felt a yellow seam appear, vertical in the middle of the air around where the conductor directed the orchestra from memory. A giant stag emerged, and said to me “Pay attention!” He proceeded to juggle 10 suns in his antlers – yes, they had limberness and dexterity, and then he threw them out into the audience which then was ablaze in a gorgeous yellow glow, and the Stag became surrounded in a bubble of that color, and then disappeared in a pop. Suddenly, each person in the audience had a stag right next to them, and each juggled ten suns of his own in his rack. But the stags wanted to merge with the various audience members. (I must confess I was only looking to my right, at the majority of the audience. I did not see if anyone to my left or immediately behind me was included in what transpired.) My stag merged with me all right, but the others were sitting next to their people, and they sort of “turned off.” Still, there were 7 or 8 people whose stags had melded with them, and I could sense they were around, sense that most of them were elders, but I think there was at least 1 other person who was not a senior (probably a child, I would imagine–there were several there). I did find myself drifting in awe for a few moments, but I remembered I was supposed to pay attention, and I felt a little sad for the people whose stags sat there inert. I felt they had all become like the background of the Crowley deck 7 of Disks – a sort of thicket of dullness in indigo tones. Various bright colors dotted the hall, though. I stayed yellow, but for some reason I could feel vivid green and red and orange. The Stag started to emit a red light out into the space, and then I felt the music shift toward “home-base.” The stags were all basically called back into the first Great Stag, and then as the music reached its final segment, I saw the stag bound back into the other world, and the seam close up behind him in a yellow blaze, and then disappear.
Wow, Johannes. Eat venison much?
cross posted at ordinarysacred at livejournal.
Passion, Third Chakra and North Node-Cancer, Third House August 27, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Civilization Anonymous, Mystical, Personal Journey.Tags: astrology, Hudson River, north node, passion, playwriting, regional theater - Hudson Mohawk valley, teaching, third chakra, third house astrology, willow trees
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In seeking out what kindles that fire in the belly, I’m struck by an astrological synch-up with my birth chart. Astrologers have started to structure their readings around the placement of the nodes in a person’s chart. The rule of thumb is that the north node is about where a person is to grow in this lifetime, and the south is that which the native does so well, it’s rather a stagnation to continue along those lines.
The ninth house is where my south node is, in Capricorn. I’ve been a dean at university or the Abbot of an abbey or held ome such role in past lives, so much so that it’s time I avoid such things. Even to be a university professor or to go on my own personal pilgrimage to the mountain top would be contraindicated.
The Third House however, is the place of elementary/high shocol education, and also the local neighborhood. (The Ninth, in contrast, is also about globalized systems.) The third house is about being here now, really. In the midst of the gossip, the laundry, the hubbub of kids playing in the back yard. It’s about siblings and short trips and writing and word-of-mouth communication.
I also have my Moon in Cancer in the third. So for me, it takes on an added emotional punch. As I get older and really feel what juices me up, a longing for a deeper communication with my landbase,, and particularly with the trees really juices me. Today, I hugged my willow tree teacher Eleusis over at the park by the Hudson. Gosh it felt good!
My communication style needs to be Cancerian–nurturing, sensitive, accepting, maternal even. And as I delve into the third chakra, that belly fire, I discover all manner of third house/north node connections. For instance, I want to teach playwriting for this region during this Triple Crisis, as Carolyn Baker refers to it. Or more generically, as the Great Predicament (h/t to J.M. Greer). So, I’m sitting down and starting to put together a trifold flyer to hand out, and maybe I’ll even (shudder) create a logo! (Yich, shoot me someone, if I want to get it trademarked.)
I also discovered today that there’s to be a Transition Initiative training up at Spirit Hollow next month–just 40 minutes away in Bennington, VT. (Yea, Vermont! Go Secession!) Andrew Harvey will be speaking there at the end of September too. Gosh, I’d love to meet some other folks there, from down this aways. Vermont is fabulicious, and part of me would like to move there. But I’m here buying a 3 unit home in Troy, and I’m feeling very pleased with where things are. If I could be two or three places at once (Heck, why not four, with Albany and Schenectady in the mix!), I would love to have a multifarious existence in the Mad River Vlaley. But right now it’s not meant to be.
The upper Hudson is what gets my attention and my love today. It’s a beautiful relationship.
Passion for vEmpire’s collapse August 25, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Civilization Anonymous, Mystical, Personal Journey.Tags: Albany, Capital Region, collapse, fire in the belly, necronomy, passion, playwriting, Rick Jarow, teaching, third chakra, Troy, vEmpire
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Continuing on with the Jarow “anti-career” exploration theme, I have been meditating on what gets me stoked, and the first thing that comes to mind is my focus on the collapse surrounding us all. And while it’s easy to get lost in all the miasma of hate, rigidity, asshattery and brutality out there, not to mention the frittering away of time, energy, remaining oil and “human capital” (ugh! Hate that idea, so let’s move away from self-commodification!), my focus has been on trying to craft new stories for a post-vEmpire, cultural imaginal cellular based future.
Anyway, I have been trying to write plays and the like, and that doesn’t seem to be working for me. Not exactly sure why, though I suspect it has to do with it not really being time yet, combined with a growing awareness that my going off and writing something by myself may not be the best way to go about this. Perhaps I need to build a story to be staged dramatically with a community? Or perhaps I need to form some sort of collapse writing group where we can get together and share awarenesses through our own fictive/dramatic/poetic explorations of self expression and bring it forward? I don’t know, but I sense community is a part of it, and also that it has to be local to my Troy neighborhood.
I also sense that teaching is a part of my fire as well. When I taught a weeklong master class in playwriting at Albany High, I was so stoked, so energized and … dare I say it? HAPPY!??!! I really NEEEEED this area of expression. Now, I don’t want to put the teacher out of a job, he’s doing good work. I would like to find a way to bring all the various budding playwrights in the (presently-called) Capital Region of NY State out there together, but that’s a larger undertaking and perhaps one that will need to emerge anyway.
Still, I know that cultivating playful and wise storytelling in the next generations is part of my MISSION. All this is just a start, but I can see that some beautiful idea is clearing the way to be envisioned and spring into my vision for an as yet unknown project to be completed in the next 6 months. I also need to visualize, per my counselor a 5 years-out Frostwolf and work backwards from there. Things are shifting every which way.
Ache’!
Some days… August 17, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Personal Journey.Tags: envy, grief, Hudson River, natural divination, obstinate inner child, psychological health, talker self
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I’m in the midst of an emotional hangover. It’s tough too, because while other people mean well, really they’re impatient with their own suffering, and they don’t like it when I go through something that’s going to take time. I don’t know how much time this envy thing will take, but one of the milestones is being able to make my 9th step amends with my colleague from those undergraduate days of intemperate self-obsession, and this envy thing is uncovering something far deeper along the way. I was communicating this to my partner, and he seemed to get it. Then at dinner he asked the innocent question, can’t you just honor their achievements? And I came unglued a bit. (Did he not listen to the discussion of the malocchio we got from the Grand Master? I swear sometimes…)
I am currently needing to deal with a sticky situation, however. I did see her play after all, and I have some insights and comments to share, but I don’t see how I can do that at the present. Perhaps it will be deferred–I must avail myself of help to figure out my pathway through here.
There’s an obstinate part of myself from the third grade me that insists I must be loved solely from my writing and creative and intellectual contributions. It burns with such shame that I’m not published, that my plays languish in obscurity, in my messy office which is partly messy because of the emotional havoc it would cause me to go through all of these dramatic-written stillbirths that have just no juice left for me. I don’t know–perhaps something will rekindle? I’m scared to find out.
I really do see the value of being willing to be willing to burn all my scripts. I see the freedom that could arise from having unburdened myself of all the past miscarriages of my creativity. Are they miscarriages? Doesn’t really matter–I’m not as yet being asked to ACTUALLY burn all my scripts. Just to be willing to be willing to burn them. And I think I can safely do at least that much.
Today I got a new image of my pride point however. The other day it was of a thunderstorm threatening a barn. Today it was a genie materializing to offer me 3 wishes. Wow.
I don’t know what to make of it, but there you have it.
On another note, I sat by the Hudson River, which seemed unusually roiled. It was pretty in its own fashion, but it unsettled me, and it seemed to want to catch my attention. A fish actually splashed water right in the place where my eyes fell, before I could really focus on the water itself. It was most unnerving. And then, to top it all off, a fellow with a harmonica passed, and he was trying to play (mostly successfully, though he was of slow pace) the song “Bad Moon Rising.” It seemed, not to put a fine point on it, a bit much.
Mahicanitauk asked me to pray for her, and for protection for the region. May we all be blessed.
Today’s Meme: Community August 13, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey.Tags: community, memes, neighborliness
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Ah, the hard work of getting to know one’s neighbors… I went into my back yard yesterday morning and discovered that someone had tossed an empty coke bottle over the alley fence into my garden. It was cradled amidst the ginormous squash leaves that some of our plants have grown. I imagine it was some kid who had done it, but anymore one can’t be too sure.
Today I’ve seen this theme emerging, and it’s interesting that I drew the Universe card for which this may hold community as a subtheme. The local and the global seem to merge together, a yin and yang polarity. Carolyn Baker and Energy Bulletin and Reality Sandwich all have some piece talking of or asking for input into the raising of communities.
I surf over to the LATOC forum quite a bit, and I have to say I feel quite a bit of frustration and sadness about the state of some of the posters’ hearts and souls. I would be curious to discover an age breakdown of its populace–I imagine there are quite a few people pre-Saturn return as well as some people in their early-mid 30s who are still mind-enamored. When faced with the need to create community in one’s home area, it’s quite daunting. Because it means you have to actually listen to people, and ask questions. And when there are crazy people about for whom there is no rationality on view, it can get quite demoralizing unless detachment comes forward to release the both of us from the beat-head-against-brick-wall conversation.
Again those pesky three C’s (didn’t cause it, can’t cure it, can’t control it) pop up to remind us all about forces greater than ourselves.
Even when there are people whose sanity level is at least tolerable, it can be quite difficult, especially when one has to deal with someone who’s a bit oversensitive or impatient or temperamental. Basically with the oversensitive person, the best I can do is apologize or make amends even though I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything wrong, or, if I don’t care about what this person brings to the table, just say “whatever, there’s the door.” With the impatient person, I try and look them in the eye, and hopefully calm them down just with that simple act of recognizing them. With the temperamental person, just don’t take any of their outbursts personally. These are fairly simple strategies for certain difficult people.
My partner called earlier to tell me he wishes to act as a mentor to others, and so too do I. I listen to people in my fellowship talk about their lives, and I for the most part say little, unless I’m asked. People need allies, and we need to find those people who are eager and excited to join us in our plans, who might have plans themselves that juice us up.
The question we need to ask each other is simple: “What are you interested in that might stir my passions?”
Um … ew? August 11, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Personal Journey.Tags: death, earthiness
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Today I’m reminded of my connection to Mother Earth in an unusual manner. I “got a whiff of myself” as it were. After placing a medicated pad thither, I sniffed my hand to see if it had only the witch hazel smell on it. Well, no, actually.
But what was sort of interesting was that, perhaps due to the medication, the smell wasn’t as unpleasant as I thought it would be. It could also be because I’ve become more in tune with the dirt and with the necessary materials to grow a decent backyard garden. The smells of turdikins doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it used to. This time around, it actually reminded me of perfume, though it smelled somewhat “better” than some perfumes that, to coin a phrase, really smell like crap.
So it was a somewhat unexpected reminder of my own personal sacredness, as not only a creature with some sentience and sensitivity, but also bodily functions. From both the earth and the stars, both stellar-sourced and tellurian-constructed.
Interesting to have these revelations as I had to attend a viewing of someone I knew who passed away rather suddenly over the last week. I’ve only seen one cadaver before this–my grandmother. It was odd to see the body of someone I knew in my everyday life laying there ashen and lifeless. There was a slideshow of various photos of him, many of which were from the past shows he had been part of. I saw my own picture up there when Paul and I acted together in Beyond Therapy last year. I feel a sadness and a loss, but I hope he’s in a better place.
I drew the card of the Fool today July 21, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Mystical, Personal Journey.Tags: acceptance, Albany, dreams, Fool card, frustration
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Again, the Fool is my card for this year from approximately Mabon to Mabon. So when I draw it, I look for anything of significance. A few odd details to share:
- Dream: I was driving my partner’s car (which we share), and I dropped him off somewhere west of where we live, and funny enough was still heading west “towards home”–which of course makes no sense in material reality–and then it started to snow. In my dream it was still July, the season hadn’t changed, and the snow was sticking to the ground. I was rather amazed at the volume and the said stickiness.
- “Foolishness” abounds in Albany-town today, as an oxymoron motivational seminar with Rudy Giuliani, Colin Powell, Zig Ziglar and others (wut uh buhnch uh wInnnnnnerzz them’ns!) has totally tied up traffic, alienated people who work downtown who park in already crowded lots, and caused buses to have to reroute to go slowly to get into town. I used my time productively, reading some of R. J. Stewart’s book on Merlin, and then when I started to feel some frustration, looked out and saw that the freeway was a parking lot with occasional fits of movement. So I practiced some acceptance and tolerance.
- Work has been pretty quiet, all things considered.
- Weird development with my house purchase–the Credit Union we’re getting the loan through notified us that they’re going to sell the mortgage to a Big-Name-Bank. I’m not thrilled by it. Not sure what to make of it.
- I also throw a rune and draw an Ogham each day. I drew Dagaz (daybreak) and the Pine/Silver Fir tree. I also decided it was time to choose a new Goddess Guidance card and received Sige “Quiet Time.”
- There is a meme on the Interweb today of contemplating the space between moments. Somehow I think of dancing energy and fairies in those interstices.
- I have been wanting to do things naked. Not just the obvious things, but I’d love to go shopping, mow the lawn, stop by the ATM, lounge in a coffee bar and play Scrabble. Do magick too, of course.
So, anyway, I see there’s quite a bit going on, even if most of it is behind material reality. I/we are all in contact with the nonmaterial universe all the time. We emanate from it. I’m fairly much in touch with the idea that quite a few of us are being sorcerer’s apprentice, crafting things out of our myopic desires without giving thought to how it has impact on our collective material reality. For Gaia is also creating along with, and she has her own wisdom and awareness. And she works with and against us all the time.
So today, having drawn three rather fun and freeing sorts of signs, I wish to express gratitude for my simple existence and to note that I’m just another magical being amongst other magical beings.
July doldrums July 7, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Personal Journey, Uncategorized.Tags: 4th of July, celebrity sighting!, compulsive eating, obesity, Rhinebeck, Route 7 Diner, stoopid'Merkans, summer
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I haven’t felt like blogging much. Part of it I think is that I would really rather just be joyously lounging around taking in the sunlight, or playing games if the weather is uncooperative. Summerbrain holds me in thrall, alas. And there’s nothing to be done.
I have also alternatively wondered, however, that perhaps I am being prepared for the next phase of our collective human journey. That I am somehow being led via dolorous desires, to a life of slowness and steady increase r/t quick ascents and precipitous downfalls. Just a Taurus-rising sort of thought, but one that has its appeal.
Growing up as a fat boy, I hated this time of year with a passion. My compulsive eating had multiple effects, and summertime became the time when the ugliest and most disturbing elements of my life would come forward. June signaled the end of the school year, and hence a 3 month dark purgatory where I would have to find ways to entertain myself as best I could. There were activities, like swimming, I enjoyed. I enjoyed playing board games and reading and of course, pedaling to the stores to get my substances–Twinkies and Hershey Bars and Starburst, et al.
But.
I hated gardening, and my Dad would act all Overseer/Simon Legree on my brother, sister and I. My Dad’s birthday is the 4th of July, and he would always get drunk that day–what day didn’t he? And b/c of that inglorious connection, he would get nasty about my disdain for him, saying “If you don’t like me, you don’t like ‘Merkkka.” For the longest time, I felt such a deep conflict about that. Now, with Dad in an Alzheimer’s facility in NoDak and ‘Merkkah in Za Korporate-Kuntykunt-Krappah, I’m not sure that this is necessarily a bad thing.
The neighbor kids in first Northglenn, and then Littleton, each had different sets of assets and liabilities. I was quite a snob as a kid, and in retrospect I realize that Compulsive Eating gave me a boost in brain power but at the expense of my being a social kid. I became reclusive and Mom and Dad would have to kick me out of the house to get my to “play” with others. The C.E. part of myself always felt put out about it, and the other kids didn’t want to play with me either. That was just the way it was. September would come, and it was like I was back in the Garden of Eden, though one of being a lapdog for teachers’ accolades. And yeah, I was rather servile in that regard, at least until high school.
And the loneliness! Whoa.
Anyway, all these things come to my mind as I contemplate this Cancerian time. For years I would go into a period of mourning in late June, for that was the day that the familial apocalpyse revealed that I was never on firm ground with the immediate blood relations known as “my family.” Gay Pride weekend for me was an anniversary of mourning. Today, I look at that as the beginning of my liberation into an independently constructed self, one that continues to take me in radical directions.
Who is this flower above my head, indeed?
Anyway, I’m glad to finally blog about something today. I can’t promise whether the summer will see me do much more than a periodic blog moment. But we’ll see.
Just one last note: My partner and I were in Rhinebeck over the weekend, and we were at this delightful diner. (Apropos of nothing, we absolutely LOVE the Route 7 Diner on the Troy-Schenectady Road (Route 7, duh!) due to the funny and attentive staff they have there. I joked with our server that it seems that the wait staff needs to pass an entrance exam that includes some stand-up.) Well.
I kept staring at this woman, thinking “she’s famous. I know it. ” I was trying to identify who it was, but I couldn’t really see the person she was sitting with. The owner and a waitress would gab with them for a bit– “Oh, yeah, he’s gay! I’m sure she is too!” and so on.
I found out later that we were sitting not 10 feet away from Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Jody kept thinking that the fellow looked like Keith. I wasn’t even aware of him, alas. I might have recognized him had I been able to register him, but there were obstructions blocking my way of even seeing the bloke.
Coolness.
And a recommendation: See The Lives of Others, the film that won the Oscar for best foreign film. It’s really good.
Wave Building… June 30, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Mystical, Personal Journey.Tags: Schenectady, Troy, work
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I feel quite a bit stressed these days. Just want to run & hide! I’m sure there’s quite a bit of this energy going around. I can’t be the only one who feels pressured.
I get cranky these days when I feel thusly. It aggravates and annoys me to no end and I feel a mite put out. Part of me I know is grateful for the busy-ness, but another part of me just wants to be able to go away somewhere and really chill. I mean REALLY chill, to the point where I can let go of all the detritus and debris that permeates the civilibrutalized consciousness of this Borg.
Anyway, I started to post this yesterday during a particularly crazy-busy moment, and right now, I feel the need to post something. It’s tough when I don’t really think I have anything meaningful to say, though I’ve hit upon a cool vein which I’ll try and explore tomorrow.
I did have an interesting vision this morning. I felt some spirit bird waft in and out of my room. It was about the size of a crow, but it wasn’t a corvus. It was some other type, something of a lighter hue. Perhaps a small hawk? Or a woodpecker or something. I felt that was somehow significant.
Things are progressing with the buying of my building. Little Italy, Father Troy both want me to have a foothold there. I have the feeling as well that Schenectady is preparing some sort of place for me as well. Much in the same way I perceived Samson as entering into my heart before I actually met the bugger after my Kitzel-bitz died. (I still miss you, Kitzel!)
Anyway, I found something with Aurora Petra Majesta today, that will help me focus this blog back on the areas this site was meant to pursue. Looking forward to what people will think.