The Only Prayer That Works December 30, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: criticism of Israel-is-anti-Semitic-canard, Israeli attack on Gaza, ogham, Prayer, runes, Tarot
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is “May you know [insert god-concept here]’s will for you.” To a person who is afflicted with the disease of authoritarian-punishing-deusitis, this may sound like a curse. Wev. To someone like myself who has a polytheistic and monotheistic and panentheistic notion of divinity, I hear it as music to my ears.
Today, I drew the Princess of Cups, the Elhaz rune (protection) and Honeysuckle from the Ogham. When I asked the Tarot what card represented 9-11, the Princess of Cups came up. So I always need to pay attention to what is happening in the world on these days. I’m struck by my multifaceted reactions to the Israel-Gaza situation. These days, I feel a knee-jerk reaction against Israel, if only because I see the government of that plot of real estate as mini-Me to the “Dr. Evil” character, GWB and Dick “Cunt” Cheney play in the Globalization Cinema of Doooooooooommmm.
People who have gone over recently and visited the bastard child of Anglo-American Codependence (c. 1948) have discovered that lo and behold, the Israelis are projecting their own satanic side onto the Palestinians and attempting to obliterate them. We have heard for decades about those poor Israeli victims, and I don’t want to demean people who have lost loved ones, but that includes the Palestinians too–In Lak’ech, after all. The Israeli is another Palestinian and vice versa.
Because there is such a desperate attempt on the part of the Israelis not to see their own role in this situation and because they can’t really bring themselves to admit that the real reason for their existence as a nation is that Britain and America had an Al-Anon slip and tried to force a solution that has rendered that section of the world unreasonable with and without knowing it, there has been a concerted effort to equate anti-Semitism in general with criticizing the leadership of said plot of real estate that sits on the Eastern shores of the Mediterranean Sea with a port at Haifa and a disputed and arrogated ”capital” at Jerusalem.
For years I was the opposite, reflexively pro-Israeli. But I see that enduring years of all sorts of campaigns against this, and for that, and seeing war-war-war wherever one goes adds up to quite a taxing toll on any one’s psyche. I can’t tell the number of times I have seen Jewish friends bristle when someone tries to remind others of the humanity of everyone involved. Jehovahsatan is alive and well in their hearts, and of course they don’t know and can’t and won’t see it.
Jane Hamsher at FDL has noted that the subject matter is so compromised by this neoconservative effort to conflate criticism of Israeli policies with anti-Semitism so as to cause reasonable people to gingerly step around and change the subject because tempers are too raw and childish howls of WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHmbulances could be just around the corner. People with eyes to see, hearts to feel, ears to hear see that there are two sides to the situation, and that both sides have their value and that both sides have their serious distortions.
But, like the accusations of “conspiracy theory” that shoot down honest inquiry and truth-telling, yelling “anti-Semite” at people who have a beef with Israel is just way too much of a bullying tactic that no one really need stand for. Yet, it takes a couple of strong people to say these things, and it takes a willingness to stand up for oneself, and I applaud Jewish people who are saying “We gotta walk the walk, schmucks!” to their own. Thugs wish to conflate ethics and justice with self-hatred. It doesn’t matter whether they are “gangstas” or goombas or neocons or what have you.
Anyway, I feel I got off on a digression there a little bit. Putting the Princess of Cups, the Elhaz rune of protection and honeysuckle together, I get the sense that there are things happening in the world that are 9-11 size, and that even so, I’m protected, most especially as I dive within my being. And perhaps in so doing, I will effect some healing in the immediate vicinity as well as perhaps in the larger world.
Writing and Faith December 23, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: Columbine massacre, faith, Iron Pentacle, James Howard Kunstler, Scott Russell Sanders, writer's block, writing
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Last night as I was walking home from the bus stop, I had this thought that emotions play a huge part in my writing. There have been times when I’ve tried to force my way through writing some piece, and I’ve mostly been dissatisfied with the results when I do this. Sometimes, if it is for a real live production and I’m being called upon either by an actor or a director to make some changes for tracking purposes, I have to put any emotion to the side and “make it so.”
With other scripts, there is a simmering process going on, and I can try to hurry the process along, but it’s a little like watching a pot and waiting for it to boil. It’s not going to happen any sooner, so I might as well do other things.
My ego operates frequently to want me to show up to the page, and I feel pain when I sit there and nothing comes up. I also feel pain when I feel like I want to write something new r/t revisioning something I’ve already written that I’m not happy with. Here’s hoping that working the Iron Pentacle points will assist with that desire!
I do know that with My Littleton Play for example, trusting that I would understand why I was writing something the way I was writing it would eventually come forward, will reap more benefits than trying to jimmy something to my intellectual liking. My intellect is too dry a force to create however. I need my full capacities.
Last night, I also started reading an essay by Scott Russell Sanders about American Literature and how it was influenced by the wilderness that surrounded our forebears. Mr. Sanders discussed how few writers these days seemed to include much about their places. Given the sterility of our existence, I certainly see that. One of the things that J.H. Kunstler said in The Geography of Nowhere was that there was a certain non-descript element to suburbia that reflected a whole set of violences that were going on, not the least of which was the violence being done to our own children. I worked on the index for that book, and I’ve thought of it often over the years, particularly as relates to the Columbine massacre which sparked My Littleton Play (which is in some ways “My Columbine Play”).
Geography has played a huge part in almost all of my writing, even the interior plays. As I open myself to experience, I glean that much of what I have written in my younger days has resonances that come from past and future selves (including my current self at age 44 going on 45) and that the writing I show up to these days also has to do with those past, present and future selves–perhaps even pre-1964 and post-this-life’s-endpoint whenever that may be. Time and space and specificity of place.
Last night after paging through the essay–for some reason I’m suffering from some emotional form of ADD these days–I started writing a short little play. I know who the actors are who I want to play the parts. And I know it has to do with this very subject. Again, I feel some pain about it, because I’ve begun a couple of other pieces and this one grabbed my focus. I think it’s only 5 scenes though, and another script I’ve started, also set in a particular place (though one of wilderness), will have to wait.
These are “luxury” problems however. I feel much of the time a frustration that I can’t get to the page as much as I would like. Today, I have a couple of things to write. An embarassment of projects really. And I’m contemplating a couple of other pieces I have started, some from years back, realizing that I need to not only invite deities in but also the spirits of the land, the neighborhood, the house, the cities and the region, and the Akua Kini. Huh! That makes for quite a social process!
PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tis a gift sometimes to be a writer. And though sometimes it sucks to be me, other times I’m really truly blessed.
Busy busy busy today December 22, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: gratitude, sanctity, United (In Name Only) States, winter solstice 2008
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I don’t think I’m going to have a lot of time to blog today. That’s all right enough.
I worked OT over the weekend, and I thought about blogging yesterday, day of the shortest light of the sun for 2008.
It’s a time to contemplate sanctity, and sanctification. Of making space for the light amidst the dark. (And the summer solstice is about the converse, of making space for the dark amidst the light. We need them both.)
I am blessed, I know. I feel that this may be the year where we go from being unaware of our current Untied States status, or from U(INO)SA to UINOSA for real. To the awareness of the need to break up this monstrosity, and OK, if people want to go all diabolical and white power in various parts of our variegated conglomeration of muck, then wev. Just go south. Go to the Idaho mountains. Go, go, go elsewhere from here, ye Christofascist satans adversaries. Imagine the great white place and move to South South South Carolbamida for all I care.
I have a sneaking suspicion 2009 will be an endpoint for . . . well, I can’t predict what. And I don’t even know for certain if I will survive–none of us do. There are too many variables. I feel good about it though.
But I did draw the Fool as my card of the year.
All I’m guaranteed is a roller coaster. Here’s hoping I see through to next December.
Psychopaths and political footballs December 19, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: CEAHOW, concern trolls, gay people, Lucy and Charlie Brown, piouscunts, psychopaths, wingnuts
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Not sure where I’m going with this one, but re: America’s Brezhnev asking ffffRickin’”CEAHOW Qualifier” Warren, I got to thinking about my feelings about the issue. They’re a complex muck all right, but mostly…
I’m just sick and tired of being thought of as a political football.
Demican/Republocrat posturing about the Other and “being inclusive”–give me a break! These acting-out toxic belief addicts (collectively, “Psychopaths”) want me and my brethren DEAD. Do they expect Wall Streeters to welcome in Hugo Chavez? Where are the KKKers and the Nazis? It’s the same mishagoss!
I struggle with the fact that while I am eagerly anticipating the Epic Fail of the U(INO)SA — whether via Ameristroika orderliness or in disruptive suddenness is up to all of us — I seem to get caught up in this “they hate me, they really hate me” upside-down Sally Fieldism. There are insidious “men behind the curtain” who this Toto/Dorothy ain’t ignorin’. I see deez-cunts. I see the Psychopaths and I disbelieve. I dispell their “sacral”-authority-complexified Bull-Shite as the oral flatulence it is.
I get caught up in the distraction for the moment, but in Troy-Albany-Schenectady Reality, how much influence do these Psychopaths really have? I’m sure some of them are behind the “wall of ‘blue’” in the Po-lease Force. And I’m sure there are the Psychopaths of the pious variety, (ironically in Albany’s Episcopal Diocese which seems to be a hotbed of toxic beliefs given their position re: Eugene Robinson). I certainly see some of the wingnut meth-head mouthbreathing periodically in the Times Uselesseditorialpage. (sorry Jody.) Lots o’ Spraaawwwwwwk tribe Three-Fingers-Pointing-Back-at-Me’ers sit in their hate-hazes fantasizing their heavens with portal-windows to the hells of their Mr. Hyde-hearts’ sick desires.
Basically, I can repeat back to the Psychopaths what I hear them saying. It’s this:
“I’m pointing three fingers back at myself. You are not supposed to see that. You are supposed to react to my pointing my finger at you. Do not dare to call me on my crap. I have issues, but I’m not going to work on them, instead I want to beat up on you. And if you defend yourself, that will make me mad. I will have to accuse you of exactly what I’m doing to you. So don’t get any ideas about self-worth, because I’m a piece of crap and you’re no better than me, so just take my abuse, and die when I sink my cunt-fangs into your flesh. Miserable image of me that you are!”
Do I say that in reality? No. When confronted with that sort of cuntishness, I know not to engage. Talk about fruitless endeavors! “Oh. Hmm. I gotta go now.” That’s what I say in reality, and I let the psychopath go off on their merrycrazed way, muttering to themselves all the while.
And then they go back home and stuff their faces on Ding-dongs, Doritos and dreck, oh my.
In the “swillig” reality of our sick’scourse, where CEAHOW Candidate Warren is seen as equivalent with your average gay person or with even an affirming and thoughtful preacher, at some point we wake up to the understanding that to these vampires, we are Charlie Brown, and they are Lucy with the fffRickin’ foobaw. That’s the role they want us to play. And they attempt to shoehorn us into it. A few weeks ago Dan Savage was on Anderson Cooper’s show to be somehow “equivalent to Tony “Psychopath” Perkins, and he did the smart thing which was to talk right over the fanged one’s words. He basically ignored Cooper’s attempts to try and let Psychopath be heard. Good on Dan, I say. That’s what has to happen when h8 masquerades as concern/love. It’s not. It’s abuse, and it’s sick.
The thing about the Psychopaths today is that they’re like Mr. Smith in The Matrix. Gay people everywhere are Neo around the Pious Mr. Smith OA Candidates and the Psychopaths. Only with us, there is no Sion in the world, even though we have our San Franciscos and urban ghettoes.
Our Sion is inside, it is in our sexual relations, it is in our own awareness of our sacred authority. In our own understanding of singular-plural God/dess or Manitou or whatever. I like the image of a Jesus eager to get with John the Divine under the covers and trading topping/bottoming. That gets me hot! And divinely so!
We can be thankful for the CEAHOW Candidates and Psychopaths though. They are examples of “There But For The Grace of God Go I“. It’s not an easy thing, but all we have to do is look at them to know that we are truly on the correct path for ourselves. The sickness is prevalent. And it seems I spend a lot of time acknowledging its yakuza-star edges that get inside my headspace and slice and dice their way around. I’m getting quicker about recognizing it.
I always have to ask these people to show me what it is they have that is supposedly so wonderful that they have to make a satan out of others. I don’t see it. I see sick people. That’s all.
Gratitude List December 19, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: gratitude list
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Because blogging while feeling down (because I hear crickets on this blog <<Achtung! Keinen Posten schicken hier>>) is a bad idea, I decided to make myself feel better with a gratitude list.
Joseph “Jody” Dalton, my partner
My Feri Trad teacher
My teacher’s assistants
My awesome Feri Witch Class
Obatala
Albus Dumbledore
Ben Franklin
Johnny Cash
Taliesin
Cerridwen
Dian-y-Glas
Diana
Melek Taus
(I can go on with all the goddesses and gods and guides but that’s enough.)
Abstinence from Sugar and flour (5-1/2 years)
Sobriety (8 years!)
Having a new CEAHOW sponsor
My AA sponsor
The cities of the Capital Region (Troy, Albany, Schenectady, Saratoga and all points between and surrounding)
The Adirondacks
The Berkshires
Vermont
The Gathering Inn
My Therapist
My wonderful apartment
My kitties Samson & Cerridwen
Theater
Classic Theater Guild
Open mics
Sex
Tarot cards
Runes
animals and birds
plants
the garden in my backyard
Snow
The seasons
The cross-quarter days, solstices and equinoxes
12 step meetings of all kinds
I do feel better already. Yea!
Obatala says December 18, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.add a comment
(A fourth post. But… This isn’t Frostwolf talkin’.)
To keep a cool head
it only takes remembering the inner smile.
Inside that wide grin,
the spaciousness of one’s heart opens up.
And the hed, the seat of discord,
quiets itself like a dog to a breeze
on a hot summer day.
Three Posts Today: #3 Knowing How Cassandra Felt December 18, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Mystical, Personal Journey, Uncategorized.Tags: active hope, Add new tag, adolescent stretching, Ameristroika, being thought crazy, Cassandra, debt jubilee, parents, premonition
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One time I heard someone qualify at a meeting about raising kids, that after a while of doing it, and understanding parental mistakes with the first couple, this particular parent could start to grasp what was his (don’t make the situation worse) vs. what was hard-wired (kids get to make their own mistakes). This parent said that at a certain point in maturing, it’s the parent’s duty to understand that a) son/daughter is going to hit a wall no matter what you do, but b) you can put out some suggestions so that when they do, as impact approaches, they can slow down so that it doesn’t cause broken bones/relationships/reputations.
Not that I’m anyone’s parent, but I found that to be a bit true in my life in surprising ways. Ironically it didn’t apply to me vis-a-vis my own parents, but more so with teachers and professors. It took me a long time, for example, to really get that when a prof said “5-7 page paper” they really wanted me to create a 5-7 page paper, not an 11 page monstrosity that suffered from bloated prose. I didn’t get that until my senior year of college! D’Oh! Frequently directions ARE meant to be followed, and they are good for ya!
Granted this is a minor issue, and looking at my eating history, I see that re: my parents, because I was first-born I got the brunt of their mistakes. Since they only had 3 of us and didn’t get recovery, I was destined to hit walls again and and again and again.
This idea seems related to the title of my post. Cassandras past, present and future only sometimes receive premonitions, not unlike the protagonists in the Final Destination movies. Most of the time, anyone who’s in this position is more like the parent in the story I told, one who can see that there are going to be consequences down the line. Some people have that “mixed curse” of being able to see cause and effect and putting it all together.
I don’t have this propensity all the time, but because I’ve been immersed in the 12 step process for 13 years now (I’ve had a few cups of coffee!), there are certain areas where I can definitely note that I play the Cassandra-wise parent role. It’s rather a continuum. The not-so-wise parent is a pretty good stand-in for Cassandra, for the original one seemed to have personalized her role quite a bit. Of course, she foresaw how she was going to be personally affected. She couldn’t help but personalize that, and the bereft feelings she must have endured as everything she foresaw came to pass.
I struggle with moving from Cassandra to wise parent, I must admit, as we enter into this strange and desperate turbulence. People have to make their own mistakes, but like Cassandra, I see that a lot of my own personal energy is bound up with other people’s choices. I wonder if there wasn’t some point when, after she rejected Apollo and he so cursed her with the ability to prophecy and the inherent inability to convey what she saw to anyone else, if she could have scanned the various futures that were laid out before her, and made better choices in her life, given what she was coming to know. Apollo probably knew the type of girl he was attempting to seduce. (Gods can be such shits sometimes, can’t they? 
) He could have cursed her in another way, and Cassandra’s own immaturity probably contributed to her doom. Even though she stuck to her guns and said X = X, it didn’t do her any good. Stubbornness and passivity won’t get a person anywhere, except depressed and crazy and then …
Knowing how she felt doesn’t absolve me of my own responsibilities. Knowing what I know about human nature and what I sense lies before us, what do I do? What are my plans? Right now, it’s just to do what I’ve done so far, which is to quietly ask people where they stand and to suss out where I can plant suggestive seeds that hopefully will take root. Cassandra didn’t have someone else’s story laid out to benefit her. Her story does benefit me however, in the sense that I see that rather than sitting and lamenting her fate and waiting for the Greeks to invade and plunder and abscond and then for Aegisthus to strangle her, I can envision and create a different and better future. I am not without my gifts after all. I can put my energies into creating the pathway that will best get me to “Schenecta” and that will lead me to the best and brightest future Self I can be.
Still, I have to go through the dark tunnel just like everyone else. With my two spells, along with other spells I have sent out into the multiverse, I’m praying for Ameristroika and Debt Jubilee. The death of the vEmpire of corp(se)orate sacral-authority-bullying, the autophagy of the force-fear pingpong game. And then, I pray for the comprehension of a few actions to take to bring that best and brightest Self forward.
These are my post-Cassandra steps today. Can you wake up from your Cassandra dream?
Three Posts Today #2: Big Magick December 18, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: Ameristroika, collapse, magick, spell for jubilee, US breakup, vEmpire
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Synchronicities jar things loose sometimes. I’m currently more than half-way through Greg Bear’s The Serpent Mage, which is the 2nd half of his Songs of Earth and Power with The Infinity Concerto. One of the cool lines in the book is “You are what you dare [to bring into existence].”
Today I spoke with a deva who told me that I am more for “big magick” r/t the personal variety. That being said, I need to manifest some things personally of course, but we didn’t as yet get into that.
I’ve blogged before about my dream when I was 11 years old “when I got my owl” as it were. When I woke up from that dream, I felt I had been touched by Jesus, and as it turns out I sort of was. The Blue God has a deep connection not only with Jesus, but with the Peacock Angel. Some have said Jesus, Sananda and the P.A. are the same being. That could be true for me.
Anyway, I have been doing some serious magick about the destruction of vEmpire’s notorious lifeless behemoths. I have seen it as a piling on of my energy onto that of their own ridiculous excesses. The image I have is of the straw breaking the camel’s back, or the princess and the pea. A small thing that has really large ramifications. I am the hundredth monkey, I am the butterfly in China causing the hurricane in Florida, etc.
I gleefully add my energy into the self-destruction of the corp(se)orations out there, who are cunting themselves like the proverbial ourobourous, only without any sense of enlightenment. (Self-vampiry has to be painful, I would imagine. Tsk-tsk-tsk.) Perhaps they will ask for the stakes or the sunlight to burn them all away? Wouldn’t get my hopes up for that.
I put out a prayer yesterday for another on-piling, that of “Ameristroika” as it were. At some point, it will become a no-brainer that we will admit that we are powerless over others who have very different notions of what is desirable in life. Now, there will be the 6-percenters, the psychopathic psychic-vampires who will attempt to leverage the chaos to their onanistic delusions. But forewarned is forearmed, and I try to point up the psychopathic to those who will listen. (That’s the subject, however, for Post #3 of knowing how Cassandra felt.) And no doubt some of them will do their best to convince others that they have the American best-interests at heart, even though they don’t really have the wherewithal or the wisdom to reel in the Ecotopians on the West Coast or the Vermont-Second-Republickers et al. in the Northeast U(INO)SA.
But.
We can’t go there anymore. The hangover will set in, the fog will lift, we will see that the name of the country has been a charade that has hypnotized us for a couple of decades before the more present of us had realized the U in USA left the area a LOOOOOOOOOONG time ago. (At least since the 1980 election, but maybe before with Watergate or with the JFK Assassination which kicked off the Plut0-Uranus conjunction.)
I radiate out another manifestation however. Here’s the spell:
O Soul of the Earth, Ye Spirits Stellar
I call to you from paup’rish Cellar.
On paper sitting pretty seeming,
In truth, I fear for money’s creaming
Each month I shell out Nine hundred bucks
For debt repayment to slimy fucks
Like other people, I have my dreams
They took advantage with gloried schemes
Encouraged by my own delusions
I got my Master’s, with resolution
and soldiered forward, foolish debtor!
Blind to how I’m sited by pred’tors
This need not go on, I do aver
Gnome, sylph, undine, djinn, please do confer
with elements stellar, devas, ‘kini
and end all debts with gold Jubilee
Forgiveness to cleanse and kala make
wipe away balances, clean the slate
Call as well Po’ Aumakua
Reduce our worries, make them fewer
Return our eyes foc’s community
Make pape’ congruent to reality
O Spirits Stellar, Soul of the Earth
Bestow your love now upon our hearth.
Blessed be. So mote it be.
Three Posts Today: #1 – Get Ready for the Enablers! December 18, 2008
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey.Tags: 12 Step word, Al-Anon, Obamaa presidency, stoopid-'Merkans, vEmpire
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Ah, passive-aggression! I’m preparing myself for the “pipe down and shut ups” and “get under that bus now”’s from the Obama kool-aid drunks. We gays and lesbians are getting it from the Mormoncunts, but we’re now going to get it from Fauxgressives as well. (Thank you Melissa McEwan for that wonderful epithet!)
Capitalism/civilization is a family disease. We are all de facto qualifiers for Al-Anon as I have said before. And the enabling aspect is an integral part of it. Enablers circle the bandwagons around the abuser. From the many who are dismayed at these choices can be heard the lament ”He ought to have known better.” The Enablers are talking “big tent,” but it’s more like chickens, meet your friendly fox gatekeeper! (Ha, to keep you in! Well, inside his belly at least–smack!)
I admit I’m powerless over the boneheadness of our “leaders”. Speaking of animals–Now, I don’t know pig varieties, but I’m put in mind of Orwell’s Animal Farm thinking about yesterday’s Vilsack/Salazar/ffffRickin’ Warren news. We have one porcine variety who’s trying to convince us they’re the good ones. Ha! Demican, Republocrat it doesn’t matter. They’re still going to sell Boxer off to the glue factory.
Bidness iz Bidness.
I have to skip the “I toldjaso’s” and move into acceptance and then action. That’s what Al-Anon teaches me to do. The alcoholics/addicts/ unconsciously civilized/vEmpire legionnaires/stoopid ‘MerKKKans etc. cause problems. They are acting out from a place of self-hate so deep that they feel the need to take everyone else down with it. Some of them have the capacity to be honest, but others–many others–do not. Only a few of these have it as a structural defect. Andrzej Lobaszewski pinpointed the number at 6%. Only 6% of all men and women are cunts. In our culture, the men-cunts are more prevalent.
(Heh. Perhaps the “Frostwolf-ese” soubriquet for Civilization Anonymous would be “Cunt-Anon.”)
I hesitate to proselytize for Al-Anon. All 12 step programs are based on the principles of attraction rather than promotion. The most useful tool that I utilize on a constant basis, that of asking myself if individuals who I come across on a day-to-day basis have anything that I would like to have myself in their way of being amongst others, comes directly from this program and from A.A. and CEAHOW. But I put it out there for people who feel some sort of desperation about this nuttiness.
It was in Al-Anon that I discovered that we are all immersed in the sea of addiction. I remember the moment quite clearly, actually. I was in New York City, attending a post Gay Rights march event on a New York City pier. Beer was flowing, but people of all walks of life were walking around carrying cups/bottles with sump’n-sump’-n, seemingly merry, that dumb “I’m a-drinkin’” glaze in their eyes. And I’m sure there were other substances abounding in various bloodstreams to be sure. I myself was probably ensconced in a sugar high, but I was still quite aware of what I was seeing. And then I heard Lady Bunny announce gleefully that everyone there were “Alcoholics Unanimous!”
Kinda divine intervention in red sequins, albeit totally unintentionally. I remember feeling like I’d been socked in the gut. Later, I had the same feeling when I started working at a law firm that had an entertainment practice, and revised/edited/typed-from-scratch various agreements and legal correspondence and realized the extent to which all the creativity that gets put in front of audiences in film and t.v. especially are viewed ruthlessly as products, and the directors, writers, producers are essentially product representatives and managers.
Yuck yuck yuck! And I mean that both ways.
One thing I’ve learned from Al-Anon is that I take care of myself first. I go to where it’s warm. Which is why I don’t tip my hand for the most part. I put it on this blog because I feel a need to at least say to people, “try this. It might not work for you, but it might lead to something else, you never know.” I don’t have to take abuse. There have been times when I’ve had to suck it up and muddle through the best I could–that law firm I mentioned was the 2nd worst job I ever had after working for the Mormon ex-Marine in Denvoid. Prayer is also quite powerful. And it’s also a powerful thing to be able to go to a meeting after something happens and cry about events in my life that have to do with the abusiveness of our sick fear-based culture that celebrates addiction and codependence. The ultimate daddy-mommy protection racket.
The truth is we do have choices. Al-Anon has helped me understand that. The confidentiality and the safety of the rooms is part of what works, though to be honest, sometimes that falls down. Sometimes the sicker amongst us (or the newbies who mean well but don’t quite get it yet) will repeat things they’ve heard at meetings that are from someone else’s story and it will get back to them. Even in the big and far-ranging metropolis of New York. It’s more small-town than it seems.
But we start with where we’re at. I have come to trust that nothing is wasted in Divine Economy. I personally haven’t really been all that invested in BHO myself. Just was waiting for the confirmation that he’s same-o-same-o. I’m open to surprises. We’ll just have to see.
End of Post #1
