Impressions of One Second After by W. Forstchen July 10, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Fiction.Tags: Starhawk, S. M. Stirling, William Forstchen, One Second After, 2002 East Coast Blackout, Fifth Sacred Thing, EMP
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OK, I thought I would be doing the same sort of thing I did yesterday, but I’ve had a highly time-intensive task to perform. Guh!
I just finished William Forstchen’s One Second After, last night. Stayed up late to finish it. Have to say this genre isn’t really a favorite of mine, but I found it gripping nonetheless. To observe how the North Carolina town attempted to weather a storm post-EMP – well, I had to say I was nervous. Of course in this genre of TEOTWAWKI literature, about the only one that includes a fluidly sexual perspective is Starhawk’s The Fifth Sacred Thing, which is perhaps my favorite of the genre as it also incorporates the multidimensional reality in which we all swim.
I won’t compare the two, other than to say that as far as incorporating a gay/lesbian perspective IT CAN BE DONE AND IT HAS BEEN. /soapbox.
That being said, the protag Matherson is quite sympathetic. I did become engrossed in his story, and was sad when some of the other characters started dying off. In this genre, that’s inevitable. It helped me also to put into perspective an event that occurred several years ago–the East Coast blackout of 2002. At the beginning of the time, it was disorienting, but there was a sublimely mystical but also celebratory energy afoot. Like it was a taste of something delicious to come. But also, I could feel it was a bit like the 7 of cups in the tarot–quite ungrounded. I wanted the energy somehow to be earthed.
I got to at least meet my neighbors that lovely evening, and there was a fabulous full moon out as I recall. The light of the night was fairly luminous. At the time I was overweight and working overnight, and I was up while everyone else was asleep. On that particular night, however, things were quite a bit different. I did relish quite a bit. There were signs for me, and actually Ben F. told me to read both The Tipping Point by M. Gladwell and Anne Rice’s Tales of the Body Thief, for some odd reason. (I did read Gladwell–helpful in some respects though I think it was merely the title itself that was the message–and I have not as yet read the other. I think I might have the time and inclination soon. I hear it’s funny.)
And I went to my home group of AA that morning and helped someone out who was having a meltdown. Went to bed that morning, and got up the next afternoon, unable to work again that night, and I again hooked up with the fellow sufferer I had helped that morning, and found her better, and then I went about my day, wandering in the very dark streets of the East Village as night fell, and at around 8:15 or so the lights came back on downtown, and I burst into tears. Totally unaware how much stress I was carrying.
Well, Forstchen’s book helped me become aware that if the blackout had gone on longer than another 24 hours, I’m not sure what would have happened in the City. During an EMP, I would imagine people would panic actually. Lots of death, lots of insanity, lots of violence, theft etc. And then perhaps it would spread? It made me wonder how my region would be affected. Probably not so well, I would imagine. In this way, S.M. Stirling’s book also diagrammed out the disintegration of the East Coast but it was more of a kiss off I felt. Like, “these people are useless–let’s dispense with them for THIS fiction.” (Oh, would it were there was a spec fiction book of pagan/gay-friendliness on the East Coast. Guess that’s up to meeezles!)
The book sure felt gripping enough–I devoured it, but it was like Chinese food and doesn’t leave much of an afterthought. Perhaps it will be more like an EMP blast itself–unfelt, but with an impact that arises later? I’ll have to watch and wait.
Anyway, here I am, getting ready for the weekend. I was hoping to write about many things, but alas time’s gotten away from me. I had originally called this one “Multiple Streatms I” But no. It’s not multiple. Perhaps next week.
Bones and Death and Grief, oh my! Yea! July 8, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Civilization Anonymous, Personal Journey.Tags: vEmpire, Sharon Astyk, Carolyn Baker, grieving, Michael Jackson funeral, what's in the water?
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I continue to be awekd by Sharon Astyk and Carolyn Baker, and their perspectives on the integration of the somatic/material with the intellectual/scientific, the emotional/nurturing and the spiritual sides of our collective humanity.
In Feri, we talk a lot about the divine twins, Dian-y-Glas and Shaitan. (They evidence themselves sometimes as male-female and female-female pairs as well, though.) The Divine Twins clash and fight and the fight turns as erotic as a wrestling-cum-gay porn video. The one defeats the other and bottoms for the “loser.” Talk about YEAAAA!
Today has been quite a day for little revelations, but S.A. and C.B. discussing grief and the pseudo-grief going on in ‘MerKKKa for “the Gloved One” had some very interesting points. To be certain, I am not really sure what I think of the deceased fellow. Part of me can’t even bring myself to type his name, but that’s as much about “kill your television and corp(se)orate radio” as it is about the contortions of this Dorian Gray figure now forever embalmed in celebrity.
For me, grieving has been an intimate part of my life for many a year. My most recent deep grief was for a pet who had been with me for over ten years. Kitzel was my first pet in adulthood. I’m sure that when either of my two current buddies felinous pass on I will be just as devastated, but I noticed that my own angelic elements came out in my deeply cried tears. When I lost the fantasy of a real family back on June 26, 1982, I put off my grieving for quite a while. I knew in an inchoate way that I had to grieve this and it took a lot of years of acting out and then a deep surrender that some days even still has quite a ripple in my life.
To me, the grief surrounding these celebrities, be they Mother Theresa, Princess Di, the Gloved One, etc., is a bit unseemly and reminds me of the inflated feelings people have when their football/baseball/basketball team loses a match, or a playoff or the Big One of their sport. Not to compare the loss of a game to that of a human being, but the odd output of “mourning” feels as ersatz as the “rage” that marauding fans can issue out because the Green Bay Red Sox lost to the UCLA Knicks for the Super Pennant-travaganza. (And I’m upfucking the team names and team sports zusammen on purpose. because I’m like that.)
Ms. Baker brings up the place of death and grieving in indigenous cultures and I feel a deeper resonance there. As I’ve noted elsewhere, my Mayan day sign is 6 Death. I am someone who has some sort of innate connection to “the other side.” I enjoy communing with the dead, and they like it that I pay attention to them. For the most part, it’s not really celebs that talk with me. Though I have a famed primary guide, and there are a couple of other famed ones who have come into my orbit for some reason. I long for a more open and fresh talk about death and dying.
Well, anyway, I want to go on, but … I’m at za woiklez, and I feel like I need to push on into other territory right now. I’m sure I’ll revisit this at some point, but for today, I just need to express gratitude to Sharon and Carolyn for their insights. Many thanks!
July doldrums July 7, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Personal Journey, Uncategorized.Tags: 4th of July, celebrity sighting!, compulsive eating, obesity, Rhinebeck, Route 7 Diner, stoopid'Merkans, summer
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I haven’t felt like blogging much. Part of it I think is that I would really rather just be joyously lounging around taking in the sunlight, or playing games if the weather is uncooperative. Summerbrain holds me in thrall, alas. And there’s nothing to be done.
I have also alternatively wondered, however, that perhaps I am being prepared for the next phase of our collective human journey. That I am somehow being led via dolorous desires, to a life of slowness and steady increase r/t quick ascents and precipitous downfalls. Just a Taurus-rising sort of thought, but one that has its appeal.
Growing up as a fat boy, I hated this time of year with a passion. My compulsive eating had multiple effects, and summertime became the time when the ugliest and most disturbing elements of my life would come forward. June signaled the end of the school year, and hence a 3 month dark purgatory where I would have to find ways to entertain myself as best I could. There were activities, like swimming, I enjoyed. I enjoyed playing board games and reading and of course, pedaling to the stores to get my substances–Twinkies and Hershey Bars and Starburst, et al.
But.
I hated gardening, and my Dad would act all Overseer/Simon Legree on my brother, sister and I. My Dad’s birthday is the 4th of July, and he would always get drunk that day–what day didn’t he? And b/c of that inglorious connection, he would get nasty about my disdain for him, saying “If you don’t like me, you don’t like ‘Merkkka.” For the longest time, I felt such a deep conflict about that. Now, with Dad in an Alzheimer’s facility in NoDak and ‘Merkkah in Za Korporate-Kuntykunt-Krappah, I’m not sure that this is necessarily a bad thing.
The neighbor kids in first Northglenn, and then Littleton, each had different sets of assets and liabilities. I was quite a snob as a kid, and in retrospect I realize that Compulsive Eating gave me a boost in brain power but at the expense of my being a social kid. I became reclusive and Mom and Dad would have to kick me out of the house to get my to “play” with others. The C.E. part of myself always felt put out about it, and the other kids didn’t want to play with me either. That was just the way it was. September would come, and it was like I was back in the Garden of Eden, though one of being a lapdog for teachers’ accolades. And yeah, I was rather servile in that regard, at least until high school.
And the loneliness! Whoa.
Anyway, all these things come to my mind as I contemplate this Cancerian time. For years I would go into a period of mourning in late June, for that was the day that the familial apocalpyse revealed that I was never on firm ground with the immediate blood relations known as “my family.” Gay Pride weekend for me was an anniversary of mourning. Today, I look at that as the beginning of my liberation into an independently constructed self, one that continues to take me in radical directions.
Who is this flower above my head, indeed?
Anyway, I’m glad to finally blog about something today. I can’t promise whether the summer will see me do much more than a periodic blog moment. But we’ll see.
Just one last note: My partner and I were in Rhinebeck over the weekend, and we were at this delightful diner. (Apropos of nothing, we absolutely LOVE the Route 7 Diner on the Troy-Schenectady Road (Route 7, duh!) due to the funny and attentive staff they have there. I joked with our server that it seems that the wait staff needs to pass an entrance exam that includes some stand-up.) Well.
I kept staring at this woman, thinking “she’s famous. I know it. ” I was trying to identify who it was, but I couldn’t really see the person she was sitting with. The owner and a waitress would gab with them for a bit– “Oh, yeah, he’s gay! I’m sure she is too!” and so on.
I found out later that we were sitting not 10 feet away from Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban. Jody kept thinking that the fellow looked like Keith. I wasn’t even aware of him, alas. I might have recognized him had I been able to register him, but there were obstructions blocking my way of even seeing the bloke.
Coolness.
And a recommendation: See The Lives of Others, the film that won the Oscar for best foreign film. It’s really good.
Wave Building… June 30, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Mystical, Personal Journey.Tags: Troy, Schenectady, work
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I feel quite a bit stressed these days. Just want to run & hide! I’m sure there’s quite a bit of this energy going around. I can’t be the only one who feels pressured.
I get cranky these days when I feel thusly. It aggravates and annoys me to no end and I feel a mite put out. Part of me I know is grateful for the busy-ness, but another part of me just wants to be able to go away somewhere and really chill. I mean REALLY chill, to the point where I can let go of all the detritus and debris that permeates the civilibrutalized consciousness of this Borg.
Anyway, I started to post this yesterday during a particularly crazy-busy moment, and right now, I feel the need to post something. It’s tough when I don’t really think I have anything meaningful to say, though I’ve hit upon a cool vein which I’ll try and explore tomorrow.
I did have an interesting vision this morning. I felt some spirit bird waft in and out of my room. It was about the size of a crow, but it wasn’t a corvus. It was some other type, something of a lighter hue. Perhaps a small hawk? Or a woodpecker or something. I felt that was somehow significant.
Things are progressing with the buying of my building. Little Italy, Father Troy both want me to have a foothold there. I have the feeling as well that Schenectady is preparing some sort of place for me as well. Much in the same way I perceived Samson as entering into my heart before I actually met the bugger after my Kitzel-bitz died. (I still miss you, Kitzel!)
Anyway, I found something with Aurora Petra Majesta today, that will help me focus this blog back on the areas this site was meant to pursue. Looking forward to what people will think.
Windows of the Wheel Year June 25, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Capital Region Notions, Mystical, Personal Journey.Tags: creativity, wheel year, samhain, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, Summer Solstice, Lammas
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Hecate has a contemplation about being grounded in one’s land, climate and weather. It relates to what this blog, at least in its original conception, purports to be about, that is the mystical connections we have here in the Hudson-Mohawk Valley to the land and its seasons and climate.
It occurs to me I’ve not really blogged much about the last two windows of the Wheel Year – i.e., Ostara and Beltane. In thinking about them as windows, I have even gone so far as to refer to them as the Ostara-Beltane and Beltane-Litha windows, s0 that people understand the period of which I speak, though Ostara and Beltane do tend to tend to be enough of a shorthand for most paganfolk.
[After having finished this posting, I realized that a subtitle for it would be "Frostwolf's Personal Creativity Throughout the Year."]
Ostara in this region is a burgeoning time as it is most places. For the most part, it’s pretty cold here, and not much appears to be happening on the surface. Somewhere in April, we start to see the crocuses and daffodils. Toward the end of the season, as we get to Beltane, we start to see the tulips, which are really harbingers for the emotional summer that May Day symbolizes to me. The transition from Imbolc to Ostara and the first part of “Scientific Spring” (the equinox is referred to as Midspring in the pagan year) are personally quite treacherous for me. And I’ve certainly blogged about that before. The transition from Ostara to Beltane, in contrast, is much more joyous and hopeful.
Here in the H-M Valley, Beltane is perhaps the most resplendent window in the regional wheel year. It certainly pops us out of the morass of winter that we have endured since Samhain. (Along those lines, the last few years, the Samhain window has been fairly mild, though the post-Thanksgiving sub-window of 2008 was particularly brutal, what with the ice storms we had. The Yule window and the Imbolc window I personally experienced as fairly run-of-the-mill–not that I’m saying they were mediocre. Just not wildly different from other years.)
For me, the past two Taurus-Gemini periods have been about doing shows. I was in a play and directed and acted in another last year, and this year, I directed a play, and I’m acting in and producing another now. My personal Beltanes are about creativity and expression, it seems. (Next year, I’ll be utilizing my Imbolc and Ostara for that, and gearing up to direct King Lear over the summer, provided the wheels of the vEmpire still chug away like they do now–hard to say whether that will be the case.)
In looking at my history, I realize that most of my post-teenage summers have had some theatrical component. Litha and Lammas both have portended some sort of theatrical engagement. Over the past 3 years, the border between the two has been the culmination of a project. Hm. I’ve had some pretty joyous theater times during the Lammas come to think of it.
My late Lammas and all the way through into Yule appear to be the time when I am most fertile for writing. And my fallow period starts around my birthday, mid-Imbolc.
I’d love to manifest responses to this post. Care to make any?
Doom Sonnet #32 June 24, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: doom sonnets, poetry
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I wish I had more to say than I do. Alas, this is all I’ve got today.
#32
Mother Earth! What poems do you want written?
Blood, Flesh, Bone – Mater, all come from your matter.
I sit by a gloried river, smitten
by quiet stately beauty. A pattern
of awestruck silence, simplicity
itself. Such tremendous power you hold
effortlessly. And quadruplicity
elements water, fire, air, earth, true gold
to we alchemists and poets seeking
these grandest of grail cups, Excaliburs’
passion, flame. Oh! a crackle-buzz streaking
through my body, some orgasmic shivers
no doubt that celebrate this life’s easy joys
(while mischievously unsettling our poise).
Oh, the sun! June 23, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: overwork, Simply being
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Well, I worked through my lunch hour today. And on some level, that’s all right but I feel sad. This body needs some more sunlight and such. I was going to work out today, but I’ve decided to just go home and get some dinner and go out into my back yard. I really want to just be right now.
Just be. That will be fabulicious.
Wondering about timing and time June 22, 2009
Posted by frostwolftfirerose in Uncategorized.Tags: aperspectivism, atemporality, fire-rose, gratitude, Sacred Path cards, Sun Tarot Card, time
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So. … I’m curious about the divine timing of my whole thing regarding the house I live in. Last week, I had a lovely meditation with the Divine Mother, and She told me quite a few things that I found ticklesome and delightful. Today, my partner and I met with an attorney to discuss and draft a contract for the house I live in. With all the stuff taking place in the necronomy and the vEmpire, I’m wondering: What is going on here, exactly? I’m letting myself follow divine guidance, but …
I’m terrifed about some of this stuff. And yet, I sense I’m about to set free from some things.
I’m also wondering about the nature of time itself. A few years ago I slogged through Jean Gebser’s book about our dynamic reality (based on some reading of Ken Wilber), and discovered the notions of atemporality and aperspectivism. I feel a liberation when I let go of time and space, when I ponder the limitlessness of the “Now.”
Part of this today arises from a fun confabulation of factors. First our email system is down at work. The environment is “dead-in-the-water” in some ways, but I feel an appreciation for the quiet. I drew the Sun card today in the tarot reading. There seems to be some different elements tying into the solar for some reason–I decided to record a Sacred Path reading I did for myself on my break, and I was reading the Workbook about the various cards and came to the understanding that I really need to remember to treat each moment as sacred.
With the stuff with the lawyer, I forgot to put the papers in my bag, and my partner had to go over to my place to find them. So I caused some irritation for Jodles. Felt bad about that, but I’m grateful that he’s pointing me to change some of my errant ways. My housekeeper comes in today as well.
My life is about to change–whether the economy shifts and all our lives change in one swell foop, or if it doesn’t, change is acomin’ for Frostwolf T’Firerose! (Which btw, some day will become my legal name, though I don’t know when. Whenever spirit dictates it.)
And there’s the energy of gratitude to consider. I experience it as a fire in my chest. When I think of the “fire-rose” image, gratitude’s energy is one possible expression of it.
So, this is rather disjointed, but I’m feeling a little bit disjointed today. Sometimes I’m not sure whether I should even be posting at times like this. But I figure, might as well give any reader a chance to see some continuity of my erratic persona. (Pisces, ya know…)